moments in my life

From now on

2010-04-26T17:18:00.000-07:00

I've been writing on a different blog for a little bit. Please check it out.
http://fromthesightofacitygirl.blogspot.com/

Words Written Down

2010-03-06T20:39:00.001-08:00

It's the way the sun reds my cheeks

It's the way the rain falls in streaks

It's the way the snow lands on my nose

It's the way the wind cools me to my toes

It's the way the clouds run around

It's the way the stars can always be found

These are the ways I see my creator

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T11:28:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas to me!

And to you!

Dreaming of a green Christmas

2009-12-24T17:28:00.004-08:00

Merry Christmas!

(almost)

Depending on where you live, Christmas may be upon you, coming quite quickly, or something other than those options! If you read this in the weeks to come, and possibly months before I post again, Merry belated Christmas!

I wish you the merriest of a day.

Over the past several weeks and months, I have been awed by God, and inspired by His creation, His grace, and all that He has given and continues to give.

Many songs have words that are powerful, and I have found myself writing out lyrics for songs. I wish my musical mind had as much inspiration as my lyricist mine. Hopefully someday those two will align more. But for now I have hundreds of lyrics, and only about a hundred full songs! Still quite enough for now. I'm excited for the days off this next week to complete songs and put to music the words of my heart.

This song is by Francesca Battistelli. It's called "You're Here". I really enjoy Christmas songs that go deeper into how the day felt.

Hold on now, I gotta take a deep breath
I don’t know what to say when I look in your eyes
You made the world before I was born
Here I am holding You in my arms tonight

Noel, Noel
Jesus our Emmanuel

You’re here
I’m holding You so near
I’m staring into the face of my Savior
King and Creator
You could’ve left us on our own
But You’re here

Don’t know how long I’m gonna have You for
But I’ll be watching when You change the world
Look at Your hands, they’re still so small
Someday You’re gonna stretch them out and save us all

Noel, Noel, God with us Emmanuel

You’re here, I’m holding You so near oooh oh
I’m staring into the face of my Savior
King and Creator
You could’ve left us on our own
But you’re here, you’re here

Someday I’m gonna look back on this
The night that God became a baby boy
Someday You’re gonna go home again,
But You leave your spirit and flood the world with joy

You’ll be here, I’m holding You so near
I’m staring into the face of my Savior, King and Creator
You could’ve left me on my own, but you’re here… You’re here
Hallelujah, You’re here
Hallelujah, You’re here

I'll share a portion of a song I'm working on. So far I've written it with a Christmas theme for the verses, but I think that I will change it so it can last longer than several weeks each year!

Hope, peace, joy, love,

I know deep inside,

This is the reason for Christmas.

It’s the hope that lasts through every circumstance.

It’s the peace that surpasses my understanding.

It’s the joy that overfills my soul.

It’s the love that’s the reason I am whole.

Maybe you’ve lost the hope, and the peace might seem far gone,

Your eyes don’t show the joy of the Lord, and the love has slipped out of your grasp,

But I promise,

There is hope, and peace is here,

The joy can be found if you let it near,

And the love can overwhelm you if only you open up your heart,

Just open up your heart

(lyrics by Nadine Schroeder)

In church over the advent season there was a theme of four words for Christmas - Hope, Peace, Joy & Love - beautiful words really. I find I often miss church due to school work, working late, or whatever else, but somehow managed to make it to all four advent services, and I am so thankful. I was so inspired and encouraged, as well as taught new things which have helped shape me even more like my Creator! I have such a desire to seek out God, and I feel like over the past few weeks, I have found Him in new ways. This is so great for me. I am quick to be down on my faith in the past year, and it is beautiful for me to finally feel the peace, joy, love, and hope of the season fill my every day.

I wish you these as well. Whether you love Jesus or only know His name, I pray that you will know my Christ. He truly is incredible. I am so thankful for all that he does for me, and I wish it for you as well.

Merry Christmas.

One day it's summer ...

2009-10-11T21:28:00.004-07:00

And all of a sudden the leaves are spiraling down and the wind is blowing everywhere. Breathe is visible, and change is in the air. No literally - money is flying everywhere away from you into the hands of your educator or home owner, and quite often to some guy named Bill. Bill likes to come monthly and surprise you with expenses you forgot would arrive.

There is something absolutely spectacular about the way the leaves find their way from tree to the ground. One can justify stopping on the side of the road to take a picture, and walks should be taken often to give the leaves the love they desire.

Life has a funny way of never quite acting the way I want it. In my perfect world, I really do sing all day, and when I'm not singing, it's because I'm ... well ... humming or something, or learning a new instrument maybe.

Yet here I find myself, backed up in homework, overworked by a factory(or should I say overworking myself in said factory), stressed by education, and overwhelmed by that guy named Bill we met earlier.

Somehow I find time to do many many things. I fill my time, and fill it more, and right when I am about to crack, I fit something into that crack and do something more.

It was in June that I last posted something on this little blog. I check other blogs, and I wonder about how people are when they do not post often enough, yet I find it quite easy to not write here myself. It just seems that writing to an unknown audience is both justifying and sometimes just a bit too much to fit it. But tonight I have a moment where homework is in another room, work is not for a few more hours (tomorrow luckily), and school gets to wait until Tuesday to arrive!

So here I am, back on a blog. Why? I do not even know, but yet I am here. Who knows what will come? I do promise some updates of what I have done with my life, a bunch of pictures, and some new lyrics.

Happy Thanksgiving. In case you are wondering what I am thankful for .... It is you!

Months Flying By

2009-06-29T17:15:00.003-07:00

So it's been two and a half months since I last updated this. And even that update was just a picture!

I thought I'd write a bit today, and see where the thoughts flow.

I've been in school now for over two months. We've studied so much. Currently we're doing about two-three chapters per week on anatomy and physiology. It's quite intense. The start of the day is class, and then the last hour is phlebotomies (drawing blood). There are some really cool people in the course.

Work is good. Sometimes I question if I should be working through school, but at the end of the day, I enjoy having a bit of money to go out for dinner with friends and do other stuff, so it's good. And I love work. It has its moments, but at the end of the day, I truly love the people I work with (for the most past of course), and other than having to deal with grumpy people, I really enjoy what I do.

I thought I'd write more, but I guess not. I'll just add some pictures to show what I've been up to!

Love.

2009-04-12T22:02:00.001-07:00

True Hearts

2009-03-27T02:36:00.000-07:00

Marching onward.

2009-03-10T16:31:00.009-07:00

Lynette, her kids, Tom, Greg, and a whole lot of noise are living in my house!

So ... soon after arriving in BC, Lynette and the kids and I went to do some shopping. Carrie was the cutest sleeper in all the mall! She was asleep, and I moved her around and took new pictures in various location!

Last week, I took Lucas and Sarah to Science world. We had a lot of fun exploring the lego exhibit! Some of the exhibits took hundreds of hours to make!

The Titanic was my personal favourite!

Greg seems to think that two girls in his arms is quite appropriate! I think so too!

On Saturday we had a stagette for Kirsten. It involved high tea, Gilmore Girls, lingerie shopping, dinner out, and then Sing Star and a chocolate fondu at one of her friends places.

My favourite part of the stagette was holding this little angel

February Air

2009-02-23T21:35:00.004-08:00

A few weekends ago, my best friend Maria and I spent some time in Vancouver. She wasn't able to come until Sunday, but I went on a Friday night after work and just had a very relaxing weekend. I shopped on Robson, walked around a bit, and just had some time to myself, which was lovely.

Maria and I went to an ice cream parlor that has hundreds of options! We walked down 4th and went to the Banana Leaf for dinner. It was quite lovely!

My countdowns are getting closer:

In 2.5 days I will see Lynette and the kids.

In 5.08 days I will be 20 years old.

In 11.7 days I will see Greg.

In (let's say) 14 days (I'm not sure when he comes - I can't remember) I get to see Tom.

In 17 days I will meet Danielle -I don't know her flight time.

In 18.5 days my sister won't be a Schroeder anymore.

In 18.5 days I will gain another brother-in-law.

In 18.5 days our entire family will be in pictures together for the first time in many years.

She's going to the chapel and she's gonna get married.

In 18.5 days, I will grow several inches (high heels) and have a constant smile on.

At Lynette's wedding, my smile never left my face (except in the morning when I ruined the day in the van)

my arms get cold

in February air

please don't lose hold of me out there

So scared of getting older

I'm only good at being young.

Over the past week, my plan for the next year has changed. I had planned to work for the summer, go traveling at some point and then head back to school in August. I had been considering switching to a different school with an October start date when I got a phone message.

The waiting list for my program had lessened, and I was accepted for the April program if I wanted to start then.

I had a little bit of a freak out as I listened to the message and considered the change that would make for my life.

I wasn't quite sure, but everyone around my said that it was a good idea.

So I went in and signed my papers, and schools starts April 17th. A year from now I will be finishing school with a career in a steady job area and will be making far more money than I am now.

It is exciting and scary.

And good.

Heard it all before.

2009-01-27T22:58:00.003-08:00

My tears have been my food

day and night,

while men say to me all day long,

"Where is your God?"

These things I remember

as I pour out my soul:

how I used to go with the multitude,

leading the processing to the house of God,

with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng.

Why are you downcast, O my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

for I will yet praise him,

my Savior and my God.

My soul is downcast within me;

therefore I will remember you.

Deep cries out to deep

in the roar of your waterfalls;

all your waves and breakers

have swept over me.

I say to God my Rock,

"Why have you forgotten me?

Why must I go on mourning,

oppressed by the enemy?"

Why are you downcast, O my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

for I will yet praise him,

my Savior and my God.

"Be still, and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth."

In the morning,

O Lord,

hear my voice.

In the morning I lay my needs in front of you,

and I wait.

January 2009

2009-01-03T22:33:00.002-08:00

Ramble ramble around the clock ...

I don't have much to say. I got inspired by Brenda's new look for her blog and changed mine ... can you even tell? I just changed the colours. I like my blog design too much to change a lot, and for some reason the only options for changing aren't as fun as other peoples blogs!

January.

Crazy crazy crazy.

And all this snow.

Oh my Wow! Rather crazy! I've only gotten stuck super bad once. A lovely man pushed my car out. I was rather thankful. He looked enviously at my tires. His car was stuck half a block down and his tires were not quite as nice as mine! It took three people to get his car out. Mine only took the two of us, and my scraper! It did a good job as a little shovel!

But really, I do love the snow. I think it is absolutely lovely! The only thing I don't like is scraping off my car because I'll walk outside in the morning and typically yelp (ask my Mom - she's heard it) because for some reason I just feel like snow should only come when my car is covered by a garage (which never happens) or something like that!.

It really does seem funny to me that it is two thousand and NINE! I'm almost twenty. Less than sixty days. Dang. Almost an adult or something like that.

But really - (I like that phrase today) - I'm not one for resolutions, but sometimes it's good to just make decisions to try to become a better person. So this year, I am journaling everyday. My friends bought me a journal that has a page for every year and even has the number on the top! I think it's supposed to be an agenda, but it doesn't have anything on the page, so it works just fine as a journal. I'm going to try to lose some weight. Emphasis on the lose, rather than the try. It's just a good thing to do. I want to be healthy and fit. I think it is a great idea. And since I have just over those sixty days until I am a bridesmaid, these next two months are going to be strictly healthy! Ha. Hopefully!

Other than that there's not too much. Of course I want to learn to be more like Jesus. Over this last year a lot of my "Christian" opinions have changed, and I think my heart is now more for Christ than for Christians. I love the people who I know who are Christians for their hearts to know God, but I just have different views on a lot of things. And it's good. I have good conversations with people - lovers of Christ and dislovers (? odd word).

But really - nah.

I'm redecorating my room. Well, redecorating is a strong term since I've never really set it up since we moved in. I did basic set up when we moved in, and it's not bad, but I want to put my Africa stuff on display and finally hang my pictures. I have a poster, some family pictures, and random others hanging on the wall (including a pair of flip-flops from Liberia cause flip-flops have so many memories) but other than that it is pretty basic in here. So I'm moving things around and setting it up. It should be good!

I've been working lots which is good. Income is nice. Paying off Christmas bills is good! I still have to find another job to fill up my time, but hopefully that'll come soon. Most places are laying off right now, so I have to wait for openings.

Anyways, this is a long ramble. Nothing to say, yet the words always come eh?

Keep me posted on you. If you have a blog, and your name is on here than I check it often and I love it. But leave a comment sometime so I know you do the same. I'll try to do the same.

Happy New Year!

And Jesus loves you. Don't forget. Amidst everything that goes on - he loves you.

And so do I.

Since College ...

2008-12-25T19:08:00.007-08:00

On December 13th, after I had finished all my exams and finished moving all my stuff back to my parents, I got on a plane and headed to Florida.

My friend Lindsay lives there. We met on the ship last year in Liberia. She was a nurse, and she is the one who taught me how to do blood draws. It was great to see her again and catch up. I got to see four people from the ship while I was there, visit Disney World, shop a lot, and have a great time!

I was really thankful for that time to just rest after a tough semester. It was a lot of fun!

I was a first time visitor so I got a special badge! You can kind of see in that picture that I'm "tanned". Well - a fews days now I've been home, and it's already faded!

Little did I know what the Wild Cats had in store for me the next day!

So I am a huge High School Musical fan (I know it's lame, but that doesn't matter. It still warms my heart!) and lucky me - I got chosen in their street show to go in an dance with them! Haha. It was a lot of fun. I even for a "Star Dazzle Award"!

These is made of lego. I think Lynette's kids will enjoy them. It was amazing.

Hello Shayla! She was there before I got on the ship and left after I left. She and I were good friends!

American love Canada!

Florida was made all the more better when I got to see Alison as well! She and I were rather close on the ship, so it was great to see her again!

When I was in Florida we had the best desert ever. It was cheesecake lollipops. They were amazing!

My flight home from Florida was a trek and a half!

I got up at 3:30am and headed the airport around 4. I flew from Tampa to Memphis. Once I got there, I saw that my next flight had been cancelled! Yay! Not! I got rerouted then to L.A. That flight was delayed about 3 hours so I sat in the Memphis airport for a long time.

Once I got to L.A. it took me a long time to find my new terminal since the airport is set up differently than any airport I've ever been in (and I've been in a fair amount these past few years). As I walked to my terminal, I watched different departure screens for each airline and saw flight after flight being cancelled.

I finally made it to my terminal, figured it all out and sat down for about seven hours. My flight left about two hours later than expected and the flight crew that was on my flight volunteered to take our flight since our intended flight crew was about 2-3 hours away in the air! I also had got upgraded to first class for that flight, so my last flight was a lot nicer than any I had had before!

Mac picked me up and after over twenty-four hours of being awake and almost as much travel time I was home!

Christmas was great today! We had breakfast and then opened stockings and gifts. I got some pretty cool stuff and it was fun to give present to the family.

Merry Christmas to all!

May the last few days of you year be filled with genuine peace, love, and joy!

To close I thought I'd share a portion of a song that has probably been my favourite this holiday season.

It's still a mystery to me that the hands of God could be so small,

How tiny fingers reaching into the night were the very hands that measured the sky.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah,

Heaven's love reaching down to save the world.

It's still a mystery to me, how his infant eyes have seen the dawn of time,

How his ears have heard an angel's symphony - But still Mary had to rock her Savior to sleep.

God bless you.

Merry Christmas!

Bells and Bows

2008-12-06T14:10:00.003-08:00

These are the three lovely ladies who call me "Mom"! They call it, and I respond ... So yeah.

So Friday night was the annual CBC Christmas banquet, followed by a non-CBC dance party, and then followed by an even further non-CBC more exclusive wine and cheese party! It was a super fun night and it was fun to get all dressed up and see everyone looking lovely.

Where am I?

2008-11-26T18:30:00.005-08:00

It seems funny to me to write a blog sometimes. When I was in Africa, it made sense because of the circumstances, but now sometimes it just seems silly, but then I'll get a letter from my sister questioning why I haven't blogged, and how her kids love to see the pictures, and I get inspired! So here is come catch-up!

For Halloween I was a Greek goddess/Roman princess/cave woman!! I was supposed to be a cave woman, but it ended up looking far too nice for that. So I morphed into whatever people thought I was. I worked that night and some of the kids that came in were so cute! One girl looked at me and questioned if I was even dressed up! I smiled at that (Why yes sweet child, I typically wear this to work!!)

As much as this time at CBC has not been my favourite time, I have made some incredible friendships and I am excited that God has brought new friends into my life. I have made kindred spirit types of friends, silly crazy friends, encouraging friends, and some that have become sisters and brothers! I love it a lot!

Clara here (my peace friend!) is quite the encourager. She gave my the flowers from the last post. I am quiet appreciative of her. She is very aware of those around her. I always know she'll give me a great hug and tell me that I am beautiful!
Kara here is my crazy fun, super nice, sister, kindred spirit friend! Last night she dropped her homework and came with me for a late night chat (and a few minutes of homework). She is my most-used of my 5 on my phone!!!

I heart Hannah!

Holly shares the same last name as me, but pronounces it differently, and we have an idea of making shirts with our names on them, but writing our last name twice because it's different!

Overwhelmed.

2008-11-11T17:32:00.002-08:00

Yesterday, I came into my room, and felt completely overwhelmed as one of my dorm friends had left me a beautiful flower and a lovely note.

I'm sick right now, so it was just a sweet thing to get, and it was just so nice.

Stepping in new directions...

2008-10-27T00:25:00.002-07:00

Life has a was of surprising me more often than I expect it to.

I will not be at CBC past December. After my last exam I will walk away fully content to be walking away. There are a lot of things that have pulled me away from the school, but the most exciting one is my desire to live more outside of a circle. I live with Christians, go to school with them, church with them, and spend time-off with them.

Starting in January, I will work full-time and spend more of my time loving everyone who I meet. Depending on how life pans out in the next little while, I'll either be starting school in April or in August. I'll be going to MTI and becoming an MLA (medical lab assistant). I am super excited to start off this new era, and I'm sure that I'll learn lots.

There's not too much other than that to share. I haven't taken pictures since Lynette and the kids left, so there's nothing new. I didn't post a lot of those, but they're all on facebook anyways.

I've been working at Old Spaghetti Factory for two months now. I love it a lot. It's so fun to go to work and have a role, and then to come home with money in my pocket. I've never had that before since I never worked in high school and every job has been volunteering (other than babysitting, but that just seems different).

Tomorrow (well, technically today since it's after midnight) marks 35 years of marriage for my parents. I am thrilled beyond words for them. I love them so much and am so proud of them for their commitment to love one another through each and every day.

138 days till Kirsten gets married! (yeah)

47 days until I go to Florida! (tan...please!)

59 day until Christmas! (eek)

You are here (3 steps forward)

2008-09-27T12:15:00.004-07:00

3 Steps forward

2 steps back

You grab my hand

I don't ask

For it back

You smile

I -- make that face

You love

You watch

Never letting me go

And I -- I -- I -- oh -- I stand amazed

I stand loved and cherished

I never wonder

Cause I know

I know that

You are here

7 days and

24 hours

If I spent them

All with you

I'd never tire

You are walking

Deep into my heart

I love you

I watch

Never letting you go

And I -- I -- I -- oh -- I stand amazed

I stand loved and cherished

I never wonder

Cause I know

I know that

You are here

Let's go back to the day before

It started

You were there

Even before

I'd never opened

My heart to love

But you took me in

You hold me in

You keep me close

You are here

1 step

2 step

3 step

With you

I'll never want

Anything more

Nadine Schroeder

26 September 2008

love love love

2008-09-22T21:51:00.001-07:00

Can I just say that I absolutely love love love having them around!

Followers

2008-09-10T23:54:00.002-07:00

Hey so I added the Followers gadget and so far I have zero followers, so yeah - not cool! If you read my blog I'd love to know. Since my blog isn't private I have no idea who reads it beyond my normal commenters. So add the gadget and then add you name to the list!! Let me know when you get it, and if your blog is one that I read then I'll add myself to your list!

Have a great end of your week, and weekend. I'm going to Playland and I am VERY excited!!!

Oooooh ... and then on Monday, Lynette and the kids are coming, and I am beyond thrilled!!! Hopefully I'll be able to find time for school! Nah ...

2008-09-07T14:25:00.005-07:00

So this is my bathroom buddy Sabrina! We've had lots of fun getting to know each other over the past week.

Here's my bedding and stuff around it.

My closet

Our beautiful bathroom. We decided that we would not live in a boring bathroom since bathrooms should always be fun and exciting - if you've been to my bathroom at my house, you'll understand!!

This is the sign outside my room. I'm sorry it's backwards. I took the pictures with my mac so they go backwards for whatever reason!

Our RA made us all record cover door tags, and it's so fun to see it!

This week has been rather stressful and with a few tears, but it's starting to get better. Being back in school is rather overwhelming and I have a whole lot of homework, but yeah. I switched one of my courses to a different one, and I already feel a lot better after that decision.

I also am done all of my training at OSF which is great. I just have to find time to study for my server test, and then I will be a server! And you should come visit me and I'll serve you and you can give me a lovely tip since I'm a poor student!!

This week I decided that my room wasn't me enough, so I brought more pictures plus some of my African stuff, which has already made it more homey!

Some lovely pictures of friends. The only issue is that I haven't printed pictures since I got home, so I'll have to get some recent pictures, since all of mine are 1-3 years old!

I also had an opportunity in church this weekend to share about my trip to Liberia and some of the stuff that went on, so that was a cool experience. I was surprisingly not nervous, and rather enjoyed it! It made me miss Africa though!

Have a great day!

Come visit me sometime!

Moving On With Life

2008-08-29T09:59:00.003-07:00

Camp is over.
I have had an amazing last few weeks.
I have a job.
I'm moving out on Sunday.
School starts soon after.

Camp. This summer was a great experience and I'm glad I went. There were a lot of issues that I had to deal with, and I probably worked harder this summer than any before, but I had a good time, and stretched myself to do new things. I had to rely on God in new ways as I dealt with new struggles, and a few of my campers became Christians -- which is awesome!

The past two-ish weeks since camp have been great. I have spent time almost every single day with friends, and it's been a great way to finally see people and catch up after being gone. It's amazing to me how some friendships just pick up exactly the same, which is just lovely!

My friend Kat and I hung out a few weeks back and went to see Mama Mia which is a great movie. I feel like it's HSM for adults, so just perfect for me! The theater had life-size posters of the HSM cast, so we had some fun taking pictures with them and laughing a lot!

I have a job! On a whim last week I sent in my resume to Old Spaghetti Factory and ended up getting hired. I had my first bussing shift last night and it was good. I was pretty tired afterwards but I'm glad I'll be getting income. I have to take a servers test next week to be a server, so that is a litle daunting, since it's rather long. I don't have an extensive knowledge of alcohol, so I have a lot of learning to do! My Mom and I are going down to the States tonight though until tomorrow, so the border crossing will be study time. My Mom will be as ready as I will be for this test! So if you're ever in Abby and hungry, you should come to OSF. Just email me and I'll let you know when my shifts are as soon as I know them! I do know forsure that if you come for lunch on Monday - I'll be bussing!

Sunday comes moving day! I'm excited to be out on my own again, but it's different than the ship because it's school! I'm glad that we live so close to CBC so that I can come home whenever I want to and pick up things I've forgotten!

School starts soon after. Registration and meet-people things are Sunday to Tuesday, and then classes start on Wednesday, so that will be a whole new adventure.

One other thing that is super exciting is YC Abbotsford! Youth Church is a group of people who are around the ages 14-25 who have started a church movement in BC. South Abbotsford is joining in and we'll be having a youth-young adult service every Sunday in our sanctuary starting September 21st, so if you're in those ages, or interested in seeing what will be going on, stop in some Sunday at 7 pm!

Summer '08

2008-07-22T23:57:00.001-07:00

I came home today for the start of my staff break and I realized I hadn't blogged in about a month. Though I think only three people read it nowadays since I'm home, I still want to keep it slightly updated, so here goes for the past few weeks.

Summer Camp 2008! I'm working at Stillwood which is a blast and hard and good and bad and every emotion every single day and yeah. Through every moment where I want to run away God is faithfully reminding me that He's using me. I had an incredible experience where at the lake I had a talk with a seemingly tough kid about God and he was asking me tons of questions, and he became a Christian that evening, which is so cool and just, yeah, God is so good! I was so blessed to be a part of eternal change in a life!

Last week was a really great week. My cabin was pretty fun - kinda crazy - and my co-counselor was just amazing. We didn't really know each other too well before getting in cabin together, but it was cool. I graded with her sisters and I'm pretty good friends with them, so it was cool to be with their 'little' sister! And I can't even begin to explain how much I laughed all week. I actually don't think I have ever laughed so much in a week. It was great, and my heart needed a week where I could just have fun.

I try for the most part to put pictures up with purpose and I put this next one up because I dressed up as a 'healer' - a Super Healer - on Super Hero night, and I had ferns in my hair, on my arm, and green eye shadow all over my face! Very fun!

Probably the major issue with last week was that on Monday I had a decent concussion which has slowed me down a lot, and hindered me quite a bit. I've tried hard to just truck on even when my head hurts like crazy crazy, and it's getting to the point now where I only have headaches maybe half of the day rather than all day.
We were playing a game-ish thing at camp where you run through a bus over and and over, and being the amazing hardcore counselor that I am - I joined my campers until I managed to run full speed into the frame of the door on the bus (the emergency exit --- definitely didn't duck low enough). I remember it yet I don't so that moment is a bit fuzzy. I got out of the bus and then just kind of stood in place for a few minutes. People were asking me how I was but I just didn't answer. Luckily one of my good friends just walked over and guided me to the nurses station where I stayed for a few hours. I layed down and then was woken every once in a while to make sure I wasn't, I don't' know - dead? I'm not sure. I don't quite know why you have to stay awake, but whatever, I didn't sleep much.
So last week was hard in that way for sure, but it's alright. The hardest was just trying to keep a smile on when my head hurt more than it ever has before, and trying not to be frustrated that I wasn't getting better. I try really hard to get into things 100% at camp and it was rather humbling to have to say no to a lot of things and to take it slow and let myself rest, since at camp I try to just go-go-go.
Again though, having my counselor with me was great. She's a lifeguard, and just really aware, so she's make sure I wasn't pushing myself too hard, and she would stop me from doing things that weren't wise!

Then this week was just a short week - peewee camp - and went from Sunday until Tuesday evening and it was fun. My girls were insane and just yeah - young and wild! We had four counselors for eight kids, so basically two of us just had fun all day long and the other two (who are counselor's in training in for their first week ever!!) got great experience! We were always around and available and quick to step in, but we let them just learn lots and just step up to the situations that arose!!!

Last weekend was great. Maria and I hung out for a few hours on Saturday and made grilled cheese and just chatted. It took us a few tries to get the grilled cheese right, but eventually it worked, and it was great. I'm always blessed after hanging out with Maria, so it was fun to see her again. It's hard to be home in Canada and yet never see people, so the two of us make a real effort to see one another as often as possible, which is great!

Please continue to pray for me this summer. It's a weird summer, and I constantly question my plan of being at camp and of going to CBC in fall, yet I know that God's called me to this place so I just keep trusting. Every time I open my Bible I get drawn to Isaiah 43. Check it out!

Picnic in the park

2008-06-25T17:09:00.005-07:00

Today is the greatest day of the year in BC so far for me!!! My friend Maria and I went to Mill Lake and had a picnic and quite enjoyed ourselves!
We had so many people coming up to us telling us that we were rather cool for having a picnic basket. The basket was a gift from Kirst for grad last year and it got it's first try today! Quite successful!

So this is my car ...
Drew Samuel Civ
Drew because I love that name, Samuel because I love that name but like it better as a middle name, and Civ because my lovely car is a civic!

Maria and I have learned over the past year through many phone calls and emails that we are similar in so many ways and it's a friendship that is such a blessing. Every conversation with this girl leaves me encouraged and blessed!

Cucumber sandwiches!

Our bread wasn't quite defrosted yet, so the sun helped!

These verses are a promise from God to me in this time. In everything, I trust in Him because nothing else matters at all.

Psalm 13

How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.

I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

I love you Dad!

2008-06-15T15:02:00.007-07:00

~~ I wrote this first bit in a comment to a friend today. As I wrote it, I thought I would share it wish you as well, because it was a thought I often forget. ~~

~~

I think the quality that I value first after His grace, for which I am endlessly grateful, is His faithfulness. As much as I choose to question Him, I can say that through everything - He is faithful.

~~

Over the past few weeks my heart has been torn figuring out who I am in Christ and who I am in Canada and who I am going to be in the future.
Today in church pastor Dan made a comment similar to this about how there is a jewish saying that goes something like, 'There are two things in life that you can never worry about. The things that can be fixed and those that cannot. Those that can be fixed should be quickly and should not be thought of further. And those that cannot be fixed cannot be fixes so we should not worry.' I've said the quote wrong, but it struck me funny. There are many things in my life that I worry about, and they can be put almost entirely into those two categories. I won't write more about this because I'm not trying to write a deep post, but it's just a thought to share.

~~

So I must say that one intention of this post was to show a picture of my car, however my camera batteries are failing me today and so that is not an option. So I'm trying with my cell phone, so I don't know how lovely these pictures will be!

~~

Now to the important part. Dear Dad!

~~

Dear Dad,
Now you might have wondered why I didn't make you a card today. The reason is simple - I didn't think about it. I considered buying you a card but I knew that none would suffice. I considered writing you a song, but since you already have my CD you can listen to what I've written already. So here is a letter for you.
I love you.
Sincerely with everything in me I can say - You are my hero.
Thank you so very much for being the Dad that you've always been. Today is called 'Father's Day' but that is too formal. You're not a Father. I've never called you that except in jest. You are my Dad. My Daddy! My soccer coach and my cheerleader! I've never doubted you love. You have sincerely told me every time you see me that you love me. You have told me that you love how I always end phone conversations with 'I love you Dad'. Sometimes I forget, but don't think that I don't still think it.
Dad, you have been so much. Parkinson's is a disease that I hate. I do. Sometimes I get so angry with the disease and the fact that it is taking over your life. Yet you are so strong. You still do so much. Too much often. So much that my heart breaks whenever I see you because it just hurts everything in me to have a Dad who won't be able to run with my children.
However, you have made up for it. You still are willing to pick me up at two in the morning if my car breaks down and you still make sure that I get enough sleep. You tell me to clean my room even though I don't live at home anymore. But more than that, you tell me that you love me.
You tell me through your actions.
Kirsten and I talked a while ago about how we have never had to look far to see a beautiful and strong and amazing marriage. I have never doubted your love for Mom. You have been faithful to her and made sure that she knew that you love her. Thank you for opening her door in the pouring rain and for telling her that you love her before you hang up the phone.
I get scared sometimes Dad. I worry about your health and I worry about so much but you have taught me that I don't need to.
Every time I ask you why you aren't angry with God for giving you Parkinson's, you calmly explain yet again that you are thankful for what you do have and that you have so much and that you - I can't even explain it Dad. You are so great!
Thank you so much for encouraging my music. You were the first person to get one of my CD's here in Canada! (Well, other than the Canadians aboard the ship but that doesn't matter!)
You wanted to hear it. You make sure others hear it and you encourage me so much!
I can't even begin to thank you for everything. You are a man of God. Even now I just turned around and saw your Bible open on your desk. You seek God and find Him. You always pray for me and I feel those prayers. Sometimes you just stop me and tell me you're going to pray for me before I go out. Sometimes I get bothered because I'll be late or whatever, but I am truly thankful for the fact that you care so much about me. You care so much that I have all that I need.
You got me the car! It's so beautiful and you always make sure that it's driving well. Thanks!
While I might not be very good at showing you that I love you, I hope that you know one hundred percent that I love you.
How else would I have my soccer trophy's on my dresser. They're on display so that I never forget my best coach! (Sorry Greg)
Dad, you inspire me. Your faith to God, your family, your work, and everything you do makes me want to work hard. Whenever I make a mistake, I hope you won't find out because I want your love and I never want you to be mad at me.
Thank you so very much for loving me. I know my arrival into this world wasn't exactly expected at my arrival time, but I made you stay young! You never stopped me from doing what I needed to do to figure out me. Maybe some day I'll get a paying job Dad! Thanks for supporting me as I went to Africa. I am so thankful that you came. It was so great to see you!
You are the one person in this world who deserves the title of world's best Dad! You are so great Dad and I love you sooooooooo very much!
Love you forever then longer,
Nad ine Karina
P.S. These pictures aren't in the right order, but I know you won't care Dad! Love you.

The future is awaiting me

2008-05-30T21:22:00.002-07:00

It's one of those days when that title scares me.
Right now I'm at Kirsten's place having a last-time-in-this-place-sleepover-ever kind of night. We've been cleaning amongst other things. It's weird to think that I'll never be here again. I'm glad I got to come back again though!
Tomorrow is moving day so that should be fun. The 'social event of the season' - I'm sure!
So, future ...
It's so scary sometimes. I'm so reminded lately that God is in control and that He loves me and has a great plan for me.
So ... I've applied to go to CBC so yeah. That's the plan! I think it's rather hilarious since I would have never said I would ever ever go there. I was a MEI student for so long and had no desire to stay in Abbotsford, go to Bible school, and especially, go to CBC. But God's got different plans, so there I shall go! I actually am kind of excited. It should be good! I'm just going to take first year Biblical Studies and then see from there. I can switch programs year two potentially so yeah. I'm not really quite sure what I want to do with my life, and I figure putting another year fully in God's hands is all that I can do.
Another thing ... I can't get over how many songs have been pouring out of my lately. I counted and I wrote eleven songs in the month of May! Three in my bus ride to Vancouver today! Only about 5 (I think) have music to them, but some of them have been actually not bad! Haha. If you want to hear one of them, it's a video on Facebook, so yeah, check it out! Also, if you haven't heard my music that I recorded then you can go on Facebook, add the application iLike and then look up my name! There you shall find several of my songs. I hope you'll enjoy them!
Oh ... I bought the car! It's a '96 Honda Civic Hatchback, and it's black with a blue stripe (horrible I know, but what can I do!!!!??!)
Um, other than that, who knows? I hope more than my typical three people read this! Comment!!! I'd love to know who's reading!
I'll post pictures sometime when I'm home!
love love love

Living life the Canadian way...

2008-05-19T14:01:00.002-07:00

So, it's been almost a month since I arrived home. I'm working up at camp, so I don't have my own computer for blog posting, so these will probably be coming not too often. I'll decide in fall whether or not to keep posting.
Home?
It's funny cause when I think of the word home, I just don't know where it is.
Yet, seriously, it's so fun to see friends. The other day I talked to a best friend for 3 hours on the phone, and last night I sat in a friends car in a parking lot talking for over an hour. This is me. The girl who loves to talk with her friends and be there, and sometimes lean on them (okay, more often than not!)
I'm still figuring out who I am here. God's cool when I take the time to go to Him. Gotta work on that more.
Anyways, this is like an email today. :)
I got a cell phone. It's kinda fun! I feel important when I hear it ring!
I'm buying my first car soon. I drove a car last year and it was my 'first' car but I didn't pay for it, and this one I shall, so I'm excited! I'll post a picture once it's official!
Okay, so seriously, I love the radio! I love listening to new music.
I played my piano today. I hadn't really played any of my songs since I left. It's hard to play here. On the ship I had the International Lounge, and I was usually alone, or with friends (miss you Lindsay!!) but now it's like, in our living room so my parents are around, and it's just different.
Not wrong, but not the same. That's the statement for everything. Life's not wrong right now. Everything is the way it 'should' be, but it's not the same. Either that, or it is the same, and I wish it could be different.
I feel like my only tie to Liberia is through blogs. I pour through my friends blogs reading all the things they've done, and missing those moments madly.
So, to whoever is reading, I love you!
Always and forever,
Nadine
P.S. (to keep it conventional <-- right word? --> to this 'email' format for blog, prayer is always needed. I'm still working out what my plan is for fall. I really am not quite sure. Just exploring options, and questioning each one, and then making a new decision twenty minutes later! As well, just figuring out like, who am I now, who am I in Christ, and who will I fight for is what I'm working on. Which friends am I going to hang out with and pursue for continued friendship? Whatever. Pray always!
P.P.S. I've got nothing...

Home sweet something.

2008-04-28T17:23:00.006-07:00

Myself, Lindsay, and Alison

Surprise!
The best goodbye present!
Fondue!!!

Oh no!No problem!

Man I love ship people!

Crap!

Painted toes!

Joanna and I

Bye-Bye Room!

Good missionary girls!

Best date ever!

Bye-Bye White girls.

The view from the bridge into town.

Lindsay, Myself, and Joanna

I'm home!
Right now my heart is too torn to right much of a post. Honesty is to harsh right now, but lying isn't me, so I'll say that everything is in transition right now. It's not wrong to be here. Yesterday it was.
Wednesday was the hardest day of my life. Leaving. Wow! I don't cry, but man, inside I was bawling. The ride to the airport seemed to take forever, and each long moment took me further and further away.

The best part so far!

Sisters are reunited again!

So I Sing ... lalala

2008-04-19T15:05:00.003-07:00

There are some days in life that are simply good.
Sometimes it’s because we had amazing moments which made our days spectacular.
Other times it is because nothing bad happened.
Sometimes God blesses us with things that make our hearts smile.
Today was one of those days.
I woke up this morning filled with many emotions. It’s my last Saturday of course, so that just makes it interesting. I got up and thought over my day. I had so many things to do before the concert. I had to burn all the CD’s and write on all the cases, practise for the evening, and shower and get ready and somewhere find time to breathe.
As I started working on burning all the CD’s onto disks, it seemed to take forever. I had made around ten when I checked one and realized that for some reason – none of them had worked. I quickly fixed that problem! Needless to say by around 3:30 I was ready to go CD wise.
Then I had to get ready. That was quick. I’m pretty low-maintenance. I wanted to look good, but it was about glorifying God – not me.
At 4:30 I headed up to the International Lounge to set up. I went through my songs. A crew member Drew did sound and he did whatever funky stuff he needed to! That was good. An hour later I ate dinner and then just sat around for an hour. I wanted to be relaxed.
7:00 came! All of a sudden I was nervous. All week I have been unsure of this night. I feel funny making a big deal about myself, but I wanted to bless my friends and bless God. It has been such a blast to make the CD. I can not explain how fun it was. When I recorded at home it was so much more serious and that was fine but here it was so low-key. I was the one who was deciding everything. I would listen over and re-record the song or just let it go.
Music played throughout the room until about fifteen minutes later I headed up. I really was nervous and yet not at all. I played thirteen of my songs with some talking in between. It was fun. I told the crowd at one point that ‘just because I am not smiling does not mean I’m not having fun. I’m just nervous!’ and it was true!

It was incredible. I just wanted to laugh whenever people would clap, because it is so funny to me that people are hearing what I sing and liking it. In high school I never felt worthy to play my music and was never given big roles for anything, but now I see that God is using me. I only hope I can praise Him enough.
I do not quite remember how long it lasted, but afterwards I sold all twenty-five of the CD’s I had made and I have a list of people who want more. It was such an incredibly blessing. I did not know how many people would come, but the room held many people.
On the CD I wrote- All Glory to God. That is what I wanted. I have been taught in the last few months from God that it is all for Him. That is the truth. It is all for You my King!
I headed back to my room to put my music away and saw my friend Jenn, who was working on the ward. They had played my music live through to there so she had been able to hear.
I went to B-ward with her and seriously, that was the highlight of my day. Maybe even of my time here in Liberia. It summarized why I came.
I have spent so little time on the ward, but tonight was amazing.
There were kids going crazy. We took office chairs and sat in them and raced down the hallways. It reminded me of last year in student counsel at MEI when we would race our chairs down the hallway hoping not to get caught!
I held little kids who were beautiful. I was told that I was beautiful by funny Liberian men. I was told that I should marry one of the guys! It was just fun and lovely and yeah.

I had to sing to them because they had heard me on the TV and wanted to hear more. That was hilarious!
As it was late, almost ten when I left, they were having a devotional near the end. I stayed for that. They sang their amazing African songs and shared and it was such a blessing. To look around the room and glimpse people who are in awe of God and who love Him with everything that is in them.
As I walked away from there, they all said ‘goodbye’ and then as I looked back through the door before closing it, a little girl was looking at me and we blew kisses at each other for a minute.
God is so good!
Being in that room makes me want to be a nurse for the one purpose to come back here and love on these kids!

The pictures are from last outreach from our Communications Team.

6-9 ... sorry Greg - I missed the day!

2008-04-16T11:41:00.004-07:00

I hadn't realized until both of my sisters seemed to comment on the fact that they hadn't heard from me in ages that I hadn't posted in a while.

I think I'm not posting because it's the same as always.

Excitment to go home.

Fear to go home.

Sadness to leave.

Readiness to leave.

It's just a conflict of emotions.

For the past while there's a guy on the ship who's been recording with me. We have 9 of my songs recorded and in a little bit we're going to record some more. On Saturday night I'm playing a concert for whoever shows up of my songs and then selling the CD's. That's another thing to add to my plate! I want to do so many things in the next week! The next week! Oh wow! One week right now and I'll be almost landing in Ghana (or at least hopefully at least somewhere close to Ghana)!

A couple of nights ago my friend Sarah asked me if I feel like everything is my 'last' time to do things. At that point I still was in my second last week. But now it's the last week. My last lunch and dinner on the ship. My third last shift at the cafe. My fourth last day of work.

This group picture is from Friday night when we had a big game of group trouble/frustration/sorry (depending on where you're from). It was fun. My team made me captain and we were one roll away from winning!!! But that's alright! It was a whole lot of fun.

I figured that I should post a picture from the other week when I finally learned to ride the bike. My Dad and my brother and probably my sisters and Mom tried to no avail to get me to learn to ride bike, but it just never came. However now I am alright. I've only gone once, but now I know that I can. Turning is tough and stopping is still coming, but yeah, it was fun!

I leave you with a beautiful sign from in Monrovia here.

17-21

2008-04-05T09:42:00.004-07:00

This is daunting. I don't know exactly if that is the right word, but it fits all that I feel.

17 days, 19 hours, and 45 minutes from now (approximately-ha) I will leave this ship and a few hours later hopefully be in the air!

21 days, 1 hour, and 49 minutes from now (please be on time flight!!!) I will land in Vancouver, Beautiful British Columbia!

I feel like every single post I put up lately is me being afraid, but when I started this blog, and if you've read it consistently, you know - I'm honest here.

God's been telling me lots lately, and I think the ideas for Fall should stop coming because there is far too many! However, I think I potentially have it figured out (for 5 minutes at least) so I'm just waiting for God's confirmation, and then who knows! The world is my playground right?

Today I was out in town all day. I love Liberia. I think, no, I know full well, that I shall miss this place. There are so many things about Liberia that I do not love, but really, when I go out, I just chuckle inside because, well, I don't even really know why.

A couple prayer requests:

- My luggage. I have a baggage restriction from Monrovia to Accra of one bag. When I came I could have two bags, and so that is what I have. Please pray that somehow I will be allowed extra and that I won't have to spend a lot of money for my extra stuff.

- My heart. It's about to get broken and I will need all the comfort of God to leave this place.

- My flights. I am flying through Heathrow airport and I know that they've been having troubles lately with cancelling flights and people losing luggage. I know that as long as my luggage makes it to Accra then it can make it home, but it would be great if it can arrive with me. As well, that my flights will all be on time, safe, and that I will have patience. Flying in Africa was an experience last year, and I know it will be one again.

- My new life. Life as I've known it forever has changed since I came here. Life as I know it here is about to end. Pray that I can have peace.

I love you all and miss you and can't wait to see you.

And then she smiled...

2008-03-31T15:28:00.004-07:00

I found this picture off of a website yesterday and it made me smile.

This is me just over a year ago.

On my way to the Ukraine, ready to see God move.

Fast forward just days and I had seen God so much through SO MANY things.

At this point I had decided, just probably a day before that if there was no reply from Mercy Ships when I got home (I had applied in November/December and it was now late March) - that I had heard God wrong, and I would obviously be doing something different after graduating.

I remember getting home after the best two weeks of my life (also two of the hardest weeks) and asking my Mom if there was any mail for me. She handed me things from different schools and YWAM's and such stuff and my heart sank. I realized that somehow, my prayers that I thought had led me to the ship were wrong and God was calling me elsewhere. I was so discouraged.

The next day I checked my email and as I scrolled through the many emails I'd gotten while being away, I read one that said (or something like this) "Mercy Ships Acceptance Letter". I'm pretty sure I screamed! It had never crossed my mind that I would receive anything through email. I quickly opened it and read it.

All along I had felt pretty strongly that I would be going for possibly 3 months, maybe more, and probably starting in January. I had applied for 6-8 months starting anytime after September just to have something down, but I had no idea.
I read through and saw that I had been accepted to start in September for 8 months! Wow! That was so God. Looking back, I would have never changed this much if I had come in January. I can't imagine now having left home when I did.

These past months have been some of the hardest of my life in so many ways, and yet the most rewarding as well.

Today I checked my countdown on Facebook and saw that in I think 22 days I will be driving away from this ship. I will go to the airport and beg for them to let me take my two bags onto my one bag limit flight (definitely a prayer point if anyone out there has kept me in their prayers)!!! Then I'll head home. Away from this place that has consumed my every moment for the past 7 months!

Wow!
I didn't exactly plan when posting for this to get so reflective, but, whatever. Your fault for reading I guess ;)

So to explain these many pictures.

The top one obviously was as I said, a year ago, when I was young and yet so old in my own mind, all ready to go to Ukraine where I was stretched further than I can explain. I saw God multiply gift bags, and lost a large part of my heart there.

The second picture was of my beautiful Patricia. This little girl captured my heart a few weeks ago, and I haven't been able to go back to the orphanage. I did though on Saturday, and much to my absolute delight - she recognized me. I love the picture because she isn't looking at the camera - she's looking into my eyes. Wow! My heart is gone yet again.

The third picture is of my blue hand after painting! Most of it is gone, but a few places will not leave. I looked rather like a smurf!

The fourth picture is of three of the chicks from the orphanage. SO CUTE!

The next one is just fun. I found a program so I can edit pics so I played around a fair bit and like how it worked. I wish I'd found this program months ago. At home I edit pictures way way more, so it was fun to find a way to completely change the colour schemes and edit! Maybe it's good that I didn't find it until now!

The next is from a birthday party. Two of my friends here on the ship Emma and Peter had their birthdays so we had some fun with a huge group!

This lovely group of ladies is my 'family' here on ship. We've adopted ourselves. Most of the girls are from our 'band' as I posted last time!

I started crying a bit today when I considered the future. I've been so worried about it, and God's so faithfully been telling me SO LOUDLY that I don't need to worry. Every single thing I've read this week in the devotional book I'm going through has talked about giving God my load, how He has a plan, and to trust in Him.

Thanks God!

Even reading through other people's blogs I get encouraged.

Tonight at my Bible study we watched a video called 'Kickball'. We're going through the Nooma series and it's just another way God's taught me. Today was about how we go through tough times and God has something better for us later on. The verse to go to was one that I'd read last night about giving God my load.

Thank you Jesus!

I think the strongest thing God is teaching me is that my life is His. And I've realized that I actually want Him to lead me.

He's showing me that His way is not mine, and that I will not be living a mundane life if I give it to Him, and that's alright.

Holy Blessed Saviour

My hearts on a string
Every time you watch me sing
Because I know
That you know
Everything

Nothing I ever say will mater if it doesn’t
Cry Holy
Nothing I ever touch will ever make a difference if it’s doesn’t
Cry Blessed
Nothing in me means anything if it doesn’t
Cry Saviour.
Lalalala…

My souls’ on the line
Every time I get a rhyme
Because I know
That you know
Everything

Nothing I ever say will mater if it doesn’t
Cry Holy
Nothing I ever touch will ever make a difference if it’s doesn’t
Cry Blessed
Nothing in me means anything if it doesn’t
Cry Saviour.
Lalalala…

Holy Blessed Saviour
All my praise to You
You are my reason to even be here today
So let everything I say
Cry Holy Blessed Saviour

Nothing I ever say will mater if it doesn’t
Cry Holy
Nothing I ever touch will ever make a difference if it’s doesn’t
Cry Blessed
Nothing in me means anything if it doesn’t
Cry Saviour.
Lalalala…

So I say,
Everyday,
Holy Blessed Saviour

Nadine Schroeder
March 11th, 2008

God is so good! His perspective shows beginning to end with everything in between, before, and after. My perspective shows yesterday, where I see that He has been faithful, today, where I pray that He will be with me, and tomorrow, when I trust that He will be faithful.

2008-03-26T17:06:00.004-07:00

Friday night out was fun with friends. We went out to a restaurant with 13 of us, and it was fun.

The food was good - the people were great. Lots of laughter and funny moments.

Many rather interesting memories made! It was a good start to the weekend.
A few of us have 'adopted' ourselves together into a family. We played some music on the weekend, and learned that being a band together is probably not our calling - but it was definately fun!

Easter was beautiful on the ship. I worked on Saturday and Sunday so I was a part of decorating our dining room into a beautiful place. Lots came up during set-up so I had to run around the ship doing other work, but it was amazing to see the transformation. The downfall of working was not being able to leave the ship or participate in some things, but it was made up for by having Tuesday and Wednesday off.

I'll add some pictures once I've uploaded them about today.

It was a great day filled with a lunch out with some girls and then dinner out for two birthdays.

The flowers at Easter were beautiful. I took some funky coloured pictures, and I just love the flowers. We so rarely see them here, so some of the crew worked hard getting us stuff.

I love you all and miss you and can't wait to see you!

Comment and update me on how you are!!

It covers me.

2008-03-22T07:57:00.003-07:00

Yet again, God has just been so constant and faithful to me. I'm just, I'm so thankful for Him. Even on the days when I don't sense Him, I know He's here, because peace comes; eventually at least.

God has given me two songs this week which summarize His incredible love for me, even throughout my simple turmoil, and yours as well.

Don’t worry about it

My dear precious child,
You’ve got a lot on your mind
You’re not sleeping through the night
Tomorrow seems daunting
Even thought it’s not here yet, it’s haunting you
But don’t worry about it

I came that you may have life
I came that you may have love (only from above)
I came here to you for you

My dear precious child,
I have a plan for you life
So why do you lie awake?
Questioning my omniscient power
Your thoughts are cowering over you
But don’t worry about it

I came that you may have life
I came that you may have love (only from above)
I came here to you for you

Does worrying add a second to your day?
No, it simply steals another away.
I came and I have never left
Trust in me, and be filled with peace
And don’t worry about it

I came that you may have life
I came that you may have love (only from above)
I came here to you for you

So don’t worry about it
Don’t worry about it
Don’t worry about it

Nadine Schroeder - March 19th, 2008

Love

My soul is on the floor
My heart just walked out the door
My mind is in a disarray
My body wants to run away.

When I get to this point the only option is to
Get down on my knees and hear the voice that says to me

Welcome back, it’s been a while
But I’ve been with you all along
I love you now and I always have and I always will
Take my hand, get off the floor
Walk back through my door
And know full well that you are loved

My soul is unaware
My hearts barely there
My mind is at stake
My body just needs a break

When I get to this point the only option is to
Get down on my knees and hear the voice that says to me

Welcome back, it’s been a while
But I’ve been with you all along
I love you now and I always have and I always will
Take my hand, get off the floor
Walk back through my door
And know full well that you are loved

You are loved by the King
He created everything
So open up your heart and soul.
He’s beckoning

Welcome back, it’s been a while
But I’ve been with you all along
I love you now and I always have and I always will
Take my hand, get off the floor
Walk back through my door
And know full well that you are loved

Nadine Schroeder

March 21st, 2008

I can't say I know what'll happen tomorrow, either the one that will come after this sleep, or the ones that will come in fall, but I'm learning that it's okay to live for today. It's actually the best thing to do.

I can mourn yesterday forever, and sometimes that is completely necessary, but God's comfort comes when we need it, and slowly we can get up off the floor and receive His love.

I hope you all are having a great Easter weekend. Mine has been rather good. I played the song, 'Why' by Nichole Nordeman yesterday in the Good Friday service and sang on the worship team. It was fun to simply sing. Sometimes I get too comfortable because I have the piano to rely on and kinda hide behind, but it was good. I got to sing harmony, which I love doing, so it was good.

I love you all and miss you!

See you soon!!!!

Restless

2008-03-18T15:55:00.002-07:00

The past week I have been insanely restless.
I can't begin to explain it but it's just, I just questioned so much about next year, but God is SO faithful and just keeps showing me that He's in control.
He's reminding me that He's already got my summer plans set from May 1st to August 15th so why am I worried about months away?
He's reminding me that the only thing I need to ask of Him is wisdom because His wisdom is more valuable than gold and silver and rubies and anything I can desire (Proverbs 8).
He's reminding me that spending 15 minutes with Him is not giving Him enough time. I need to put my whole entire day and life on the line for Him. Living for this moment with Him, cherishing each time I feel Him, and just breathing for Him.
He's showing me that He is the God of suprises and unexpected joy. Today I got a package from Lynette than she had sent in December. I never expected it to come. But it did! I got to watch Lucas and Sarah and Jillian and Carrie and Tom and Lynette and just love them. I got to hear their silly kid comments and watch Tom act like a kid while geting Jill's hair to stick up from his fuzzy sweater. I got to hear them roar. I got to watch Carrie crawl, Sarah and Jilli dance, and hear all about Jilli's future plans (which involve washing the dishes and being a pirate, taking occasional walks, living in a house, and of course taking baths and going swimming).
He's showing me that He is in control and He is with me, and to worry is not to gain.
He's showing me that He's going to have to remind me of all this again in about 5 seconds!
38 days till I get to Canada!!!

How can I write you a symphony without a pen?
Cause here I am, once again.
Full of words that can never say enough
To You, my King my Christ my Jesus

Can you hear my heart?
It’s beating for you
Because of you
Do you feel my hand?
It’s grasping for yours
Waiting here
Will you take my life?
Cause it’s yours to mould
Yours to change

Why have you given me a song but only an audience?
Of One, You are here.
Listening to me speak too many unworthy words
To You, my Lord my Saviour my God

Can you hear my heart?
It’s beating for you
Because of you
Do you feel my hand?
It’s grasping for yours
Waiting here
Will you take my life?
Cause it’s yours to mould
Yours to change

I don’t want to live this life it it’s mundane
If I’m not a flame Burning for Your glory
Because by myself I am nothing
But through Your love, Your blood, I am free

Can you hear my heart?

It’s beating for you

Because of you

Do you feel my hand?

It’s grasping for yours

Waiting here

Will you take my life?

Cause it’s yours to mould

Yours to change

Hear my heart

Nadine Schroeder

Written March 14th, 2008

39 days till I leave and 43 until I arrive.

2008-03-14T11:29:00.002-07:00

This scares me a bit. The title of this blog.
All of a sudden, part of me isn't ready to leave. Yet, more of me is.
This will be a rambly post. Sorry for that.
But since it's only about 6 people that read it, I figure I'll be forgiven.
This has been a different week than normal.
I worked in sales because they were short-staffed and that was a lot of fun. Well, it was fun until Wednesday night.
I can't remember if I posted back in December about this, but I had to take medication for a parasite, and it made me rather sick and sleepy back then and I had to take my second dose again now.
I was putting it off and trying to figure out when would be a good time to be sick (isn't that horrible!) and for a bad reason, I took it on Wednesday. I was grumpy, and figured that I may as well get sick too!
As I was swallowing the many pills, I was also praying hard that God would help me to swallow them because they were large and plentiful! Within fifteen minutes I was asleep, and already by then, I felt horrible. I work up in the morning feeling horrible. I phoned into work and left a message saying that I couldn't come. I set my alarm for 9 to see if I would be better, but not yet then. I reset it for noon, but decided to keep sleeping. The next time I woke up it was 4:30. I had slept over 18 hours!
I easily could have kept sleeping, but chose to get up so that I would sleep again later.
It's wierd to miss a day of your life. I feel like I could have done something, but wasn't able to.
I went to sleep not too too late but then couldn't sleep steadily through the night and was awake from about 3 on, with random burst of sleep.
This morning I woke up to go to work and was sent away and told to get better. I guess I can be thankful for co-workers who care about my well-being, but I felt bad just doing nothing all day. I watched a few movies so that was nice. I just kind of sat around. I don't usually do that, so it was good. Most weekends, when I should be resting from my week I go out and do stuff because it's the right thing to do, but my body rarely is resting, so it was good.
The sweet thing is the get well character of the ship. Everybody somehow knows that I have been sick! I have received many sympathetic glances! They make me laugh. Some people seem to question my sickness, as I do as well, but most people just look at me and can tell that I'm not well. It's funny how the people who are parents are the ones who can tell the most. They see that I'm lacking colour and not myself.
But now I'm feeling a lot better. I can tell that I'm not exactly myself, but I'm on my way.
So. 39 days from now I'll step on a plane.
Wow! I can barely even fathom it because it's so far away and yet so close and yeah. Home seems so very far away, but it also seems to be getting closer.
11 thousand, 1 hundred, forty-two kilometers between me and you!
Soon to be less.
Soon my dear friends and family whom I miss SO much, I will see you.
I thought I was done at those words, but somehow I'll write more. Not somehow I guess, but for some reason I will.
Words seem to come quick lately. I have been writing so much. Last weekend I led a worship service here, and God was so evidently there. It was incredible. I get scared sometimes when I feel that God is preparing me for stuff because I want a mundane life. Isn't that horrible! I just want to live normal, but God' s telling me each day that He's got so much for me.
Rambling again. Sorry. Well, not sorry, but whatever!
Speaking of God, I am so in love with Him right now. I have never felt so close to God, and I have never spent so much time with Him, getting to know Him, feeling loved by Him, and being so very changed by Him.
A while ago I was talking with a girl on the ship, and I mentioned what I was going through, and she said, refinement. I think that sums it up. God is refining me into who He wants me to be, and I can't even fight it, because I want my desires to align with His.

I Need You

2008-03-08T12:47:00.002-08:00

My heart is restless in me
My wings are all worn out
I’m walking in the wilderness
And I cannot get out

I need You, oh I need You
Blessed savior come
I need You, oh I need You
Fill the every longing of my soul

Oh how I need You Lord
I need Your perfect word

With tearful eyes I see
The sin that I afford
I need to weep and pray
For all the thousand ways
That I have failed You just today

And my bed is soaked with sadness
My sadness has no end
A downward spiral of despair
That I keep falling in

I need You, oh I need You
To You my soul shall fly
I need You, oh I need You
Yahweh how I love you more than life

Oh how I need You Lord
I need Your perfect word
With tearful eyes I see
The sin that I afford
I need to weep and pray
For all the thousand ways
That I have failed You just today
Your silence is like death to me
So won’t You hear my desperate plea

Today my soul is soaring
Way over mountains high
Though I can see the valleys
They are all just passing by

Its not that I am stronger
Look at my feeble wings
But I’ve been lifted higher
Yahweh’s lifted me in His own strength

Oh how I love You Lord
I love your perfect word
With tearful eyes I see
The God who always will endure

Now I will celebrate
For all the thousand ways
That you have shown me grace
And made my heart in grace to stay
You made my heart in grace to stay
Lord, make my heart in grace to stay

I need You, oh I need You

The Swift- I Need You

2008-03-05T16:00:00.002-08:00

Jesus, who is like you?

2008-03-03T15:18:00.000-08:00

Jesus, who is like you?
Jesus, who is like you?
Who is like you?
Who am I, and who am I in you.
Who are you, and who am I in you.
What am I, alone, nothing.
You are my strength when I am weak.
You are my treasure even when I do not seek
You are my love
You are my king
You are joy
You are my everything.
Nothing compares to you.
And nothing ever could.
And nothing ever should,
So why do I doubt?
Why am I here right now,
Singing this song to myself,
Crying myself not to sleep,
But awake again.
Jesus, who is like you?
Jesus, who is like you?
Who is like you?
Who am I, and who am I in you.
Who are you, and who am I in you.
What am I, alone, nothing?
Am I alone, no?
You are here.
You are now.
You are everything to me.
You are yesterday.
You are tomorrow.
You are today.
You are faithful.
You are kind.
You are loving.
You are pure.
You are all that I want.
Even when I don’t know it.
You are my King.
You are my Lord.
You are, who I want to be.
Jesus, who is like you?
Jesus, who is like you?
Who is like you?
Who am I, and who am I in you.
Who are you, and who am I in you.
What am I alone, nothing.
Am I alone, no.
Jesus, who is like you?
You alone.

Nadine Schroeder

March 3rd, 2008

so ... one day I chopped off my hair!

2008-02-26T13:40:00.009-08:00

I'll let the pictures speak!

I didn't exactly plan to chop it off, or highlight it, or yeah. I went into the salon and asked if I should chop it right before I leave, and it just happened.

We were dying my whole hair darker but I had an allergic reaction to the dye (man, my head was on serious fire!) so we did highlights instead.

So, hi, my name is 'Nadine'.

My favourite moments after were:

Anna, a young girl on the ship whom I babysit said, 'I liked it long' to which I answered, 'It's okay hun, it'll grow'.

A guy on the ship, 'What did you do today?', me, 'Well, worked in the cafe in the morning and then Sarah did my hair today', him, 'Oh, did you do something to it', 'Yeah, I cut off like five inches', 'Oh, well, it looks nice.'

This week is better than last. I had yesterday and today off since I worked all weekend, and yesterday was the ultimate change, and then today I went out for lunch and the afternoon with some friends! Lots of fun!

I learned recently through people who have read my blog who are now here, that people coming to Mercy Ships read this, so, be prepared for an amazing hair stylist! And come get Starbucks coffee from me for about $1 for a latte!

Kirsten, I miss you.

2008-02-23T03:53:00.002-08:00

Got on a plane
It’s a long way
From me to you
It’s been a long time
Since I saw your face
And I cry
Knowing that I can’t be with you
Please understand,
God told me to take a stand
It’s tough sometimes for me to understand
So please, don’t try to take my hand

Cause I, got on a plane
And flew away
Never knowing that
Life would never be the same
And I, wasn’t running away
On that day
I was just taking a chance
And testing my aim

Now it’s been a long time
Since I said goodbye
Living here
Sometimes I ask why
But I’ll be alright
If you’re on my side
Please understand,
I needed to take a stand
It’s tough sometimes for me to understand
So please, don’t try to take my hand

Cause I, got on a plane
And flew away
Never knowing that
Life would never be the same
And I, wasn’t running away
On that day
I was just taking a chance
And testing my aim

At how far I could go
Even if the world said no
Even if everything was against me
I didn’t know how high
I could fly
But I’ve made it so far
I’m on my way home now

And I’ll, get on a plane
And fly away
Knowing full well that
Life will never ever be the same
And I’m, coming home
On my own
I’ve taken a chance
Taken my stance

Cause I, got on a plane
And flew away

Never knowing that

Life would never be the same

And I, wasn’t running away

On that day

I was just taking a chance

And testing my aim

Nadine Schroeder
February 23rd, 2008

I'll be leaving here in 2 months today! It's crazy!!!

This week.

2008-02-21T11:15:00.003-08:00

It's a long week so far.
But it's been mostly good.
Monday was screening day. AMAZING! I think I'm basically a nurse now!
Tuesday the president of Liberia came on the ship. Worked VERY hard all day.
Wednesday there was a large pastor's conference. I set up the entire dining room, plates, cups, mugs, drinks, tablecloths and toppers for them all. That was a LONG LONG LONG day.
Today was fun. I got to work in the cafe again. Work wasn't so crazy. I made a bunch of birthday cards in the afternoon which was good. I'm on duty so I just finished a tour for new crew and luckily I only have one more thing to do right now.
Tomorrow should be nice. Hopefully!
I've been writing lots of songs lately. There is a possibility that I can record some on here, so I probably will!
I hope you're doing good.
Miss you!

The day I lost my heart, yet again.

2008-02-16T10:51:00.016-08:00

Today I had the amazing opportunity to go to an orphange. I had the most amazing time just playing and taking pictures with the kids. I always try to be culterally sensative and not take photo's but after playing for awhile with them I brought it out and needless to say they were thrilled.

As you can probably tell seeing she is in most, this little one in the bottom picture captured my heart the most. Her name is Patricia and she is just beautiful.

Today was a great day. I was glad to have a chance to get out. This was the first 'ministy' type thing that I have been able to do. It was amazing.

John 14: 18-19

I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live.

He was pierced for our transgressions

He was crushed for our sins

The punishment that brought us peace was upon Him

And by His wounds, by His wounds we are healed

We are healed by Your sacrifice

And the life that You gave

We are healed for You paid the price

By Your grace we are saved

We are saved

What can wash away my sin?

Nothing but the blood of Jesus

Honesty is probably best. No. It is best.

2008-02-13T13:47:00.004-08:00

We had a medical open house on Monday and through a special "practicum" I am now a nurse!!

A few people reading will know more but basically life is tough. Work is kind of stressful. No it's very stressful. The president of Liberia is coming next week as well as lots of other things going on and only three of us have lots of experience in our department and I am one of the three, and my experience is basically only what I have learnt here. Tonight we had a Health Care thing where medical people came to the ship. I enjoyed setting up because basically I did it. I had people helping but I more or less did all the tables with another girl and moved all the food so it would look good. That was fun to have that challenge of doing that.

Decisions about the future and some stuff going on at home have caused sleep to be small and yeah, lots of restless nights lately. Yet at the same time, life is so good. I'm driven for God. He's obviously taught me so very much while I have been here and I really am working to make Him my number one! Not just an afterthought but every thought. I'm praying more and having been doing devo's lots. And the coolest thing for me is that I'm enjoying it. Sometimes it's tough. I'm reading and it's hard to go on but then the next day I'll learn so much. I'm working through a devotional called 'Perfectly Loved' and it's 30 days where I learn about different attributes of God's love for me. It's incredible.

Being back in Liberia is good. I have only been out of the port once since I've worked so much but it was nice to be out. To shake hands and be 'welcomed' back! I can't wait to get involved more. To go to orphanages. Looking on the first half when I was here, I did lots but it was for me and it was for personal gain, but now it is for Christ. I reevaluated lots and just made decisions that when I kneel before God in heaven I want to hear 'Well done!' I don't want to have to explain why I need to get to heaven. I want to see people who were changed through God using me.

Here are some beautiful lyrics.

Don't stop your crying on my account
A frightening lion, no doubt
He's not safe no, he's not safe
Are you tempted now to run away?

The King above all kings is coming down
But he won't say the words you wish that he would
Oh he don't do the deeds you know that he could
He won't think the thoughts you think that he should
But He is good, He is good.

I know you're thirsty the water is free
But I should warn you- it' costs everything
Well, he's not fair no, he's not fair
When he fixes what's beyond repair
And graces everyone that don't deserve
No-one knows him whom eyes never seen
No, I don't know him but he knows me
He knows me. He knows me.

Lay down your layers, shed off your skin
But without his incision you can't enter in
He cuts deep, yeah he cuts deep
When the risk is great and the talk is cheap
But never leaves a wounded one behind
-- Kendall Payne -- Asian

The Good Life I Live

2008-02-05T02:31:00.000-08:00

So basically I came straight away yesterday to write this, but internet didn't work, so I couldn't post. Then I figured I'd phone someone and share, but the phone's weren't working! Yay for being in the ocean.

Well, for one, we've arrived. We are back in the SO HOT Liberia. I do not remember it being this hot. It is now the dry season so it is rediculously hot! I think the crew has sweated in one day what most people sweat in a summer. It is insane.

But the exciting bit ...

So yesterday, I sailed the ship for two hours!

(This is where I stood for 2 hours!!!)

I was at the wheel, turning it, keeping it on course, keeping the rudders at the right place. It actually is simple (obviously, or they wouldn't let me do it!). The Captain came in a couple times and it was fun. I talked with him and another deck officer about trips they've been on, and things they've done. It was really cool. You couldn't see anything outside it was so foggy. You could definatly tell we were coming into Liberia.

Then I went outside and even though you couldn't see out at all, you could see SO many stars. It was absolutely breathtaking! I saw Orion's Belt, Leo, Taurus, the Fake Cross, plus much more. I also saw Mars and Saturn. It was cool to think that you can see stars and planets and they are so very far away!

Keep praying for safety. There was an armed robbery recently on the street closest to the port.

Have a great day! Miss you all!

And the hardest thing is hanging up the phone.

2008-01-30T04:36:00.000-08:00

And the hardest thing is hanging up the phone.

I know I’ve been gone for a while
I know I haven’t been good at coming home
I know that you might not understand
But the hardest thing is hanging up the phone.

Sometimes I slam it down quickly
Sometimes I sit for minutes until I hear the dial-tone
Sometimes the tears almost start to flow
Because the hardest thing is hanging up the phone.

The days when I don’t get emails are tough
And the nights where I can’t sleep are rough
And the moments where I stare at your picture break my heart
But the hardest thing is hanging up the phone.

So if I hang up quickly
Don’t think me too hasty
If I avoid calling
Don’t think of me as being alright
I’m only stopping the tears before they come
I’m only fighting the only way I know how

Because the hardest thing is
To say goodbye
To know it’ll be a while until I see you again.
The hardest thing is
To know that you’re alright without me
You’re functioning fine without me by your side
The hardest thing is
Hearing the busy signal
Or the sound of your message saying you’re not there
But the hardest thing of all is hanging up the phone.

Nadine Schroeder – January 29th, 2008

Motherhood?

2008-01-29T14:15:00.000-08:00

If you've met me and talked to me about the future, and if the conversation went to the area of marriage and family, I have always said I would like at least 4 children.
Tonight I planned to babysit for my usual family. They have three kids and I really have grown to love them! I got asked by another family to babysit and because the kids are the same-ish ages and live in next door cabins and the times would work together well, I agreed. This meant babysitting for 6 children! So I babysat for a 6 month old, two 3 year olds (I think they're both around 3), two 6 year olds and a nine year old. I easily could have gotten those ages wrong, but I don't think you will mind. Regardless, I had a funny night. The three kids who I had never babysat for before were thrilled to say the least to be with me and we had fun and my regulars had fun as well. There were very few incidents. Some spilled water, popcorn, and several bouts of tears (as results of the spilled water and desire for more popcorn), but it went well. I can't say that I will plan to have 6 children under the age of 9, but 4 kids still sounds good!

Life on the ship has been really good lately. One of the challenges of being here has been being 18 with most of my friends here being over the age of 23. This has been fine and I have loved all of my friends and have grown close to lots of them, but I basically had to grow up quicker. It wasn't hard since my siblings are sooooo old (just kidding) and I've always had to hang out with older people, but it has been hard because 25 year olds have different thought then 18 year olds, so I've quickly grown up.

However, about two weeks ago a girl from Australia who is my age came. We've bonded really quickly and have had so much fun. I can act my age again. I laugh way more, am louder, and I'm being more social and doing stuff. We have a tradition of playing SKIP-BO and drinking tea. It's good. It truly is a blessing from God because I was so doubting being here and was becoming so lonely, but it's getting a lot better. I chose not to write about it too much because I thought that you know, I'm here for God, but I am learning that God
gives us desires and fulfills them, in His time. He is good!

.... Imitating ....

One really good thing about my parents being here was that my Mom brought some devotional books. I read one of them in one sitting (it wasn't that difficult, but it was beautiful -Epic by John Eldridge --co-author of Captivating) and two of the others are 30-day devo books, and I am really proud of myself. I've never been good at committing to a book or committing to doing devo's, but I am 15 days strong (I sound like a drug-user!). Though the book itself isn't the best, it gets me to read some scripture each day so it's great to be reading the Bible and actually talking to God.

One quick prayer request. We sail tomorrow back to Liberia. Please pray that all goes well and that the outreach in Liberia is good. Liberia has been really dangerous lately and there are a lot of political and yeah, lots of issues there, so pray as well for our safety as we head back. There are a lot of new crew who are hearing of Liberia and are quite fearful to go out there. Pray that God keeps us safe and that we are willing to be used by Him and not scared of what might happen. At the end of the day, living for the King of all Kings is a whole lot better than sitting still simply being scared.

I hope you're doing good. I'd love if you left a comment. It's nice to hear who's reading!

Family Days

2008-01-21T11:54:00.000-08:00

So for the past two weeks, my parents have been here with me. They arrived on January 9th. It was so fun to be at the airport just waiting knowing that I would see them.

Coming here to Africa, I didn't expect to be homesick or to need things from home but I have missed my family and friends (and all y'all whoever you are) so very much, and I appriciate so many things so much more, so it was just really special to have seen them.

Over 34 years of marriage and still so in love!

This was the view from the beach by our hotel. I was able to have 3 days off plus a weekend so we headed to a hotel and hung out.

One day my Dad went golfing (suprise suprise!) so Mom and I went on a walk to a little town a few minutes away from our hotel. It took us FOREVER because we kept taking pictures of rocks in the ocean and waves and boats and each other and lots of things, but it was really fun!

This thing here is a natural swimming pool. We didn't go in, but it would have been fun!
We rented a car and drove up a crazy road. Dad HATED it. Lynette, you would have hated it. It was winding so much.

There were lots of boat tours to see whales and dolphins but we didn't go.

The rest of these are all from Loro Parque. If you're ever in Tenerife, which I don't expect you to be, you should definately go. It's a zoo/aquarium and it's just amazing. We went to sea-lion, dolphin, whale, and parrot shows. They also had a huge penguin display with hundreds of penguins.

The sea lions were very very funny!

This is where the parrot show was.

You may get drenched.

You will get wet!

These whals live in 22 million litres of water!

I always needed time on my own

I never thought I'd need you there when I cry

And the days feel like years when I'm alone

I love you and miss you like crazy!

Mom 'n Dad - Thanks!

2008-01-04T03:26:00.000-08:00

My fingers ache as I play this song

'Cause I haven't picked up my guitar in so long

I think it's because I've been afraid to say

What I really think

And you know I cannot lie when I sing

And I lay down the load

Endlessly I think about the possibility

Of reconciliation between you and me

But there is no road

Where I don't have to lay down my load

Of pride, bitterness, and jealousy
I see how it all worked out

I see how he laid these stepping stones before me

For my own good

And I lay down the load

The line in the song, that is bolded and italicized is a line that spoke rather profoundly to me yesterday. It's a thought that's run through me a lot lately.

When I struggle with God, when I am fighting His love, and when I have 'my load of pride bitterness, and jealousy' I find it easy to 'ache as I play' my songs because I know that 'I'm afraid to say what I really mean' and because I know as well as God knows, that 'I cannot lie when I sing'.

When I struggle the most I don't dare let myself sing. Well, I'll sing, but I won't write songs and I won't find passion in music. I'll find pride in music, but I won't find peace.

In the past week I think I've written 5 songs.

It makes me smile because it's not that they're any good. Maybe 2 of them would be ones I would ever desire to record, but really, that's the least that matters.

I just want to praise my King.

So I'll sing,

and I'll

lay down the load.

January 1st, 2008 -- Happy New Year!

2008-01-01T12:57:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!
I hope you all, wherever you, whatever you are doing, are doing good.
I am quite excited for the time to come and thankful for the past few days.
With a couple of friends, we went to the south of the island, rented a little cabin and just bussed into town and spent time on the beach, they shopped a bit, and just hung out, having dinner out, and just staying together and having so much fun.
When I signed up for Mercy Ships, I expected this time to be doing an outreach in one country. I had no idea that the Canary Islands are a beautiful set of islands that are just amazing and a great place to be.
I didn't realize how much I would need this time to kind of settle before going back to Liberia. Especially not having known that I would be returning to Liberia, it's been really good to be here and just rest.
Christmas break for the crew started on December 21st and goes until January 6th. I've had all my days off so far except for when I volunteered in the dining room on the 22/23rd weekend. Then this Thursday I'll be on duty until the 7th when regular work will start.
Excited for time to come ...
2008. A crazy new year. It's kind of weird to write it. I'd assume that it is a similar feeling for many. Reading other blogs, people are transitioning into new eras of their lives, recuperating from an era, and being comfortable where they are at. As much as, honestly, God and I are working on our relationship, well, He's working, and I'm trying to figure out where we're at, and yeah, I still am so aware of how He works everything together, He is with us, and He is faithful. I am so glad that God is who He is, because I cannot imagine living without Him. Even when I turn my back, He is there, ready and waiting for me when I get onto my knees and ask Him back. He always says YES, and for that, I am a truly thankful child of Christ.
In 8 days and approximately 45 minutes, plus longer with customs and all that lovely baggage picking up time, I will be seeing my parents! For that, I am also SO very thankful. When they first considered seriously coming, it was right when I arrived, and I wasn't quite sure. I was confident that I did not need them to come visit, but now, I am so glad. I have missed them (and everybody from home, seriously!) so very much and yeah, I can definitely say that I am very glad that they are coming.
The Future. Who knows what it will bring. I think I wrote about it, but I got accepted to UCFV a couple of weeks ago, so it is very nice to know potentially what I will be doing in the Fall. Camp is definitely an option for the summer. We'll see what happens there. I know my hearts desires, but they've got to be aligned with Christ's, so again, I'll see what happens.
Yesterday. The past. I think people who say that they live with no regrets are lucky, because I haven't yet learned that lesson. However, I'm learning that everything that happens, the mistakes, the challenges, the laughter, the tears, the momentous moments, the late night chats, the scary drives, and everything, they all lead us into the person who we will become, and how we react to everything is our choice. Yesterday is there. It will always be there. Though it's my duty to try to fix the things that I can and cry out to Jesus for forgiveness for my mistakes, it's also my job to climb up off the ground and move on. I'm working on it. I'm not there yet, but I'm getting closer.
Today. January 1st, 2008. A new day. A new year. Moments passing so I need to cherish them. Moments occurring so quickly that I shouldn't waste them. Moments to come that I should prepare for.
Happy New Years!
I hope you are having an amazing beginning to your year and that you know, with every fibre in you, that Christ loves you and desires to lead you in this year, each and every step, if only you are willing for Him to take hold of your hand. Trust me. It's worth it. He'll never let go. He'll never leave. He'll never lead you in places that He can't pick you up our of. He'll always love. He'll always hold on.
(lyrics from 'Refreshed', which I wrote a few months ago)

You don't withdraw
You don't withhold
You simply hold me
And beckon me closer

I am overwhelmed
I am so overwhelmed by this
I am refreshed
I am refreshed by You.

2007-12-25T09:01:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!

This has definitely been one of the weirdest Christmas’ of my life, and yet has been really fun!

Here is a Christmas kiss to you! Hopefully it’ll make it to your end of the world, wherever you are. I took this last night before our Christmas Eve dinner.

Almost everyone dressed up, we ate on pretty tables with red tablecloths and candy and candles, which was so special since we are never ever allowed candles on the ship, so it was great. Everyone was happy and looked beautiful.

Here is a group of us girls posing for a lovely Christmas photo

I switched cubicles in my room this week because one of my roommates moved out and her cubicle was slightly bigger, so I moved over! I’m not quite moved, but I did most of my decorating and made my bed. I still have to move all my clothes and clean and stuff, but soon it’ll be home.

I I bought this picture this week. Both my mom and my sister have this picture, so it was kind of special to see it and buy it. I miss you both, but somehow it made my room extra nice!

These things now, this is Christmas. They’re not like the ones at home since here they don’t have chocolate in them, but it seemed like the right thing to do.

This lovely package came a while ago and I forced myself to save it until Christmas Day. It was definitely hard to do. There were days when I was so homesick that I needed to open it, but I knew that I would regret it on Christmas Day when I didn’t have anything to open.

Thank you dear Family!

However, I did have some other things to get. A tradition here on the ship is to put our your shoe on Christmas Eve in the evening and then wake to find gifts outside your door.

I had so much fun going around and filling my friends shoes and giving gifts.
I have never felt so satisfied by giving. Though simple. Just mini chocolates, pens, note pads, cookies, stickers. Yet it was suprisingly special.

I also got a lot of fun things. Some candy, chocolate, soap, gift certificate to the ship shop, and socks. Very fun!
My sister send me a great little gift of two Christmas cd’s. I am definitely enjoying them as I write this.

I wish you all the most merry and special Christmas that you can have. I miss you all so very very much and will see most of you in four months!

Be near me, Lord Jesus I ask Thee to stay

Close by me forever And love me I pray

Bless all the dear children In Thy tender care

And take us to Heaven To live with Thee there

Christmas?

2007-12-21T03:01:00.000-08:00

What if ribbons and bows didn't mean a thing

Would the song still survive without five golden rings

Would you still wanna kiss without misletoe

What would happen if God never let it snow

What would happen if Christmas carols told a lie

Tell me what would you find

You'd see that today holds something special

Something holy, not superficial

So here's to the birthday boy who saved our lives

It's something we all try to ignore

And put a wreath up on your door

So here's something you should know that is for sure

Christmas must be something more

What if angels did not pay attention to

All the things that we wished they would always do

What if happiness came in a cardboard box

Then I think there is something we all forgot

What would happen if presents all went away

Tell me what would you find

You'd see that today holds something special

Something holy, not superficial

So here's to the birthday boy who saved our lives

It's something we all try to ignore

And put a wreath up on your door

So here's something you should know that is for sure

Christmas must be something more

We get so caught up in all of it

Business and relationships

Hundred mile an hour lives

And it's this time of year

And everybody's here

It seems the last thing on your mind

Is that the day holds something specia

lSomething holy, not superficial

So here's to Jesus Christ who saved our lives

It's something we all try to ignore

And put a wreath up on your door

But here's something you should know that is for sure

Christmas must be something

Christmas must be something more

There's gotta be more

2007-12-17T05:24:00.000-08:00

So this weekend definately was a good time. I headed out with my friends Stacy and Vern, rented this little car, and drove around the islands and then got a little place for the night.

As we drove around we stopped in a little town where the people were very agressive, and very much wanted us to try on their products. We tried on these jackets, and it was SO cold outside since we were way up in the mountains, and the guy told us they were 5 euros! I was close to buying one, and Vern was getting ready to pay for his, but the guy magically had not meant 5 euros, he meant more like 45! Hm .... but it was funny all the same. When we left without buying anything, the man threw Vern's jacket on the ground!

This little old man was so funny. He had his donkey and when he saw us he came over and basically pulled me onto his donkey! Her name was 'margarita' and I called him the old grunting man because he didn't talk, but he definately made a lot of funny noises. The donkey stank so bad, but it was so fun!
Not all my pictures worked on here, but he took me for a ride. Once I was on the donkey, he handed me the reins, and walked away and I was rather worried, but then he came back and we went for a little walk.

This old man was so cute! He made us all smile.

The views were so beautiful. They use these windmills for a lot of their power. So you see them all over the island.
There was also beautiful buildings and pretty pictures just waiting to be taken!

It was great to get away just for a few days. I needed the time away from the ship.

So if you ever are heading to Gran Canaria, in the Canary Islands, let me know, and I'll tell you all the hot spots!

2007-12-11T15:36:00.000-08:00

So a few months ago I ordered a couple of cd's online that I had wanted to get but hadn't been out when I came, and they finally arrived this week. One of them is Carrie Underwood new cd 'Carnival Ride'. If you like her first cd, I definately recommend this cd. It is lovely. Her voice is amazing! Here's a sampling of some of the lyrics.

God put us here on this carnival ride

We close our eyes

Never knowing where it will take us next

Babies are born and at the same time, someone's taking their last breath

I'm flat on the floor

With my head down low

Where the sky can't rain on me anymore

Don't knock on my door cause I won't come

I'm hiding from the storm 'til the damage gets done

You can't knock me off my feet, when I'm already on my knees

Here's to you free souls, you firefly chasers

Tree climbers, porch swingers, air guitar players

Here's to you fearless dancers, shaking walls in your bedrooms

Never let a bad day be enough

To go and talk you in to giving up

Sometimes everybody feels like you

Oh, feels like you, just like you

What you got if you ain't got love

the kind that you just want to give away

It's so easy to get lost inside

a problem that seems so big at the time

it's like a river thats so wide

it swallows you whole

While you sit around thinking about what you can't change

and worrying about all the wrong things

time's flying by

moving so fast

you better make it count

'cause you can't get it back

This next is one song, and probably one the most beautiful songs I've ever heard. Also one of the saddest.

' Just a Dream '

It was two weeks after the day she turned eighteen

All dressed in white

Going to the church that night

She had his box of letters in the passenger seat

Sixpence in a shoe, something borrowed, something blue

And when the church doors opened up wide

She put her veil down

Trying to hide the tears

Oh she just couldn't believe it

She heard trumpets from the military band

And the flowers fell out of her hand

Baby why'd you leave me

Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know

I can't even breathe

It's like I'm looking from a distance

Standing in the background

Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now

This can't be happening to me

This is just a dream

The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray

Lord please lift his soul, and heal this hurt

Then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard

Then they handed her a folded up flag

And she held on to all she had left of him

Oh, and what could have been

And then the guns rang one last shot

And it felt like a bullet in her heart

Baby why'd you leave me

Why'd you have to go?

I was counting on forever, now I'll never know

I can't even breathe

It's like I'm looking from a distance

Standing in the background

Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now

This can't be happening to me

This is just a dream

Oh, this is just a dream

Just a dream

...

On another note. I got accepted to UCFV next year. So I potentially know my plan for next year. We'll see. I think the past few weeks of confusion were God's way of telling me to just trust Him and let Him lead.

27 days until I see my parents!!

...Miss you

Landed and Lovely

2007-12-07T09:10:00.000-08:00

I am definately not in Liberia anymore.

Gran Canaria is beautiful.

It's amazing.

As girls we walked around last night around midnight by ourselves and we were fine.

In Liberia, after dark a girl would be pretty dumb to be going around by herself. I did it acouple of times with other girls, and usually the situations we were in ended up being slightly sketch, but retrospect usually works that way.

It's great to be here though.

Today I walked off the ship and walked around just by myself.

It was lovely!

Be Thou my Vision

2007-12-04T10:29:00.000-08:00

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

I'm kind of going through some stuff with God right now. I had my plans for next year which I thought were all good, and suddenly I feel like the grounds been taken out from under me and I need to make a lot of changes in my plans, but I still don't know what exactly that looks like, so yeah.

Sailing is fun. A little crazy still in this never ending earthquake, but it's fun. It sure makes me sleepy though.

I say hello/goodbye

2007-12-02T08:46:00.000-08:00

Goodbye view from our lovely ship of our port drive.

Goodbye gangway.

Mountain maker

Ocean tamer

Glimpses of You

Burn in my eyes

The worship of heaven

Fills up the skies

You made it all

Said,

"Let there be"

And there was

All that we see

The sound of Your voice

The works of Your hands

You do all things well

Star creator

Wind breather

The strokes of Your beauty

Brushed through the clouds

Light from the heavens

Touching the ground

Goodbye Monrovia

Goodbye Friends

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God

We're Sailing!!

2007-11-30T06:01:00.000-08:00

As the title clearly says, we're on our way.
This ship rocks so much. We had been warned, but I didn't expect it so far.
When you walk down the hallway, you get almost pushed to the side, and walking from starboard side to portside you speed up as the ship is going down and then slow down as it comes up. It's definately very wierd.
So far I'm alright. This screen is creating a headache though, so I should go!
Please ... smooth sailing!!

Another Request

2007-11-29T04:45:00.000-08:00

I have another prayer request.
My friend Nicole, a nurse here on board, her Mom passed away sometime between last night and this morning. It's a shock, and Nicole is going home. Please pray for her.

Prayer Request

2007-11-28T12:49:00.000-08:00

One of our crew members have a severe case of Malaria. She is going to be emergency flown to London tomorrow. This is because of the severity and because we set sail on Friday and we cannot have her on a ship that will be in the middle of the ocean.
I would truly appriciate if you can pray for her.

Psalm 91 was given tonight as a scripture to pray on her behalf.

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. If you make the Most High your dwelling— even the LORD, who is my refuge- then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."

Please pray with me for my friend. She has a severe case, potentially linked with cerebral malaria, and she has some issues with fluids in her lungs.

Thank you for your prayers. We serve a good God. Of that I am assured.

2007-11-27T03:57:00.000-08:00

The snow's coming down
I'm watching it fall
Lots of people around
Baby please come home
The church bells in town
All ringing in song
Full of happy sounds
Baby please come home

They're singing "Deck The Halls"
But it's not like Christmas at all
'Cause I remember when you were here
And all the fun we had last year

Pretty lights on the tree
I'm watching them shine
You should be here with me
Baby please come home
If there was a way
I'd hold back this tear
But it's Christmas day
Please please please please
Baby please come home
Baby please come home
Baby please come home
Baby please come home

All I want for Christmas is you

27 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am doing good. Just got sentimental with Mariah Carey today!
Missing you lots!

How do I title this?

2007-11-21T14:10:00.000-08:00

I feel so funny because literally everything I do is turning into adventures. So this weekend, I went to Buchannan which is about a three and a bit hour drive away from the ship. We left around 9 or so with 6 of us. We had four girls and two guys heading out for a nice weekend. It took us a fair while to get a taxi, but finally we did with two in the front and four in the back. Nice and tight!
The drive there was rather fun. Three was lots of laughing and telling stories and just hanging out. I was most definitely the youngest by a long shot (5-10 years) yet it was great. It’s cool because the phrase ‘age doesn’t matter after high school’ is actually true. You graduate and suddenly anybody is willing to hang out.
So driving was also squishy because of the huge and very ‘comfortable’ pot holes that lined the entire way. Eventually we got there after what seemed like forever and using our Mercy Ships ID to get through UN check points (only in Africa!). So we got there, found our guest house and got slightly settled in. We put on our swim suits and put our stuff in our rooms.

We walked through town and were largely noticed seeing as we were the token 6 white people in the town. “White man! White man! White woman! White woman!” I can not convey how weird it is to be yelled at simply for the colour of my skin. I was talking to my Mom last night about that and she commented that in Canada if a tiger was to be walking down the road we would shout and scream because it is so unique and different and crazy, and so in some ways, we are like, unique and different and crazy to these people!We walked down the beach though the town toilet (the beach) and ended up finding an extremely little beach which the UN often uses.

It was upstream from the town so the water was so clear that we could see the bottom. This might have been the first time. We swam and hung out for a bit but headed back a little before dark for safety.We went out for dinner and it was fine. We stayed outside so many people stood close and just watched us. We then chose to hang out for a long time and rather made a spectacle of ourselves as we played the animal game plus plenty plenty laughing and noise. If you ever want to be noticed; come to Liberia.

Later that night we headed back to our guest house. Let me clarify to those of you who are going, ‘Isn’t she in Africa … guest house’? Four girls sharing a room with three single beds with a fitted sheet, pillow, and mosquito net. There was no blanket; not that you would need one, no A/C (though there was a fan with different plug than the outlet in the room), but very good security (a small pin like thing holding the door shut). So we hung outside for a bit chatting and then went into the room. Myself and another girl (Emily) talked for a while and then headed to bed. Woke up in the middle of the night to a very very loud dog who needed desperately to be quite and then in the morning by women screaming at each other.Once we were ready to go, we headed out at just before 10am. The sign in our room said to be our by 10 so that’s when we left. Vern put our money in a book inside and told the man on the porch where it was and we left.We went out for breakfast and then walked down the beach. As we were walking we got caught in like, torrential rains and hid under a roof of a random hut. Lucky for the four slightly tipsy Ghanaian men there were suddenly four white women under their roof. Needless to say we got plenty touched in the next while; I got ‘married’ to one of them and the most felt up of everybody. Again; only in Liberia!

Once the rain was fully over we walked further and then headed back. We were walking back to the guest house because we had arranged to meet the taxi driver there at 3.30. We got there and were quickly harassed by the house man telling us that we had not paid him. Seeing as we had; we were rather confused. So, the next hour and a half consisted of us being told that we had stolen from him and being forced to not be able to leave. We were basically surrounded by about thirty Liberians and it was definitely sketchy. I was just like; this is lame – we paid you! However, according to what the man says, and what we say, unless he actually did scam us (which is what we think); his ‘friend’ was on the porch and looked quite like him so when we told him where we had put the money he took it so when the owner came to the front, all he saw was his empty house and no money. It was very frustrating because in no way was it our fault that the money was stolen. If I bought something in Canada and the money was stolen from the store I would not be forced to repay or to have to be harassed for over an hour and a half. Finally after just giving up we paid the man again. It was frustrating the most because bribery and corruption is so huge here in Liberia, and we in no way wanted to support it but we had to be conscious of our own safety, and we had had enough.

As we drove away we all were rather frustrated because we don’t really feel like Mercy Ship people should go to Buchanan because there is no real police force, so issues are settled with violence and no reasoning.Probably an hour or two down the road we stopped for a minute. As we climbed back in the sun was close to setting and we were getting aware that the earlier rain and some of the rain that had consistently been coming down had created the potholes to be much larger and much more uncomfortable for the car. The car we were in already was low to the ground, and our feet were constantly feeling the ground under us.
Soon after sunset, Vern, who was sitting beside me laughingly, prayed ‘Oh Lord, please let this drive last longer so I can have Emily on my lap even longer’. The words had just come out of his mouth when the lights on our car died. Needless to say, the rest of the drive was very scary. The three hour drive took over seven hours.
Let me say that driving through potholes that you cannot see is scary, and driving on one of the only roads (this was several hours later) in Liberia that has few potholes in the night where people are driving extremely fast towards you with basically no way to see you.So. We’re driving, and I have already decided that we will die. I had almost no doubt that I would die on Sunday night. I have never prayed so hard or held onto someone else’s hand so much with such vigour. I decided right then that I would rather, not that I will ever have the choice, but if I did, I would rather be killed in a sudden car accident than one that you know you are going to die in, because fear consumed me for about 5 hours. Liberia does not have street lights. There is no speed limit.
As well, one of our tires popped. It popped seconds after I prayed aloud ‘God, please help us to drive slower’. Again; we quickly told God, ‘God, it’s not a prayer until we say ‘amen’!!!’ We laughed rather than cried as we stopped on the side of the road. Three of us went of into the bush to go to the washroom and just kind of laughed. Our only choice was to laugh because the other option of to cry. I saw a car come up and asked Jesus aloud if the car could have a tire for us to have. As we walked up to the cab I was amazed to see a man pushing a tire up to our cab. God definitely answered that prayer.
So the next several hours were still spent full of fear, but at least one of the four tires was good!Many hours later we arrived at the gate to our port. We all grabbed our stuff, paid our taxi driver, and I prayed over him. I truly feel that the angels were working overtime for us, and we had one diligent angel holding our extra tire on because it was held on by three screws (I don’t know what they’re called). There should be I think, five or six, yet we had only three that were not connected very well.Once we got through the first gate, we called the ship to open the second gate since we were past curfew. The walk was spent in the suddenly pouring rain. Inside the ship we met up a few minutes later after we had changed, ate our second meal of the day, and just kind of chilled for over an hour. We were all kind of shaken up and very much aware that our lives had been drastically changed in that day. I have never (I think) been filled with so much fear before. I have never actually thought that I would die. I’ve gone through moments that caused fear, but never before have I actually genuinely thought that death would consume me. My hope throughout was that I would meet Jesus, and for me, that is alright, so I was alright with carrying on.

I phoned home just to talk to my Mom as I needed her to know that I had almost died, and then went and read some in my Bible.
Here is what stuck out for me:
Psalm 34:4 I sought the Lord, and he answered me; He deliver me from all my fears.
Psalm 43:3 Send forth Your light and Your truth, let them guide me; let them being me to Your holy mountain, to the place where You dwell.
Philippians 4:13 I can do everything who Him who gives me strength.
Exodus 14:14 The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

2007-11-12T09:05:00.000-08:00

So ... the secret!
It's funny because it really doesn't seem like a huge deal probably to you, but it is rather significant here.
As of while ago, we were told some information. We were told the information and then told that we could not communicate it home in any way. I told my Mom last week just because she's my Mom and I think that mom's have that right (to know just about everything - within reason). So, on November 30th, the Africa Mercy will sail from Monrovia, Liberia to the Canary Islands where we will stay for repairs and the holidays. We will then sail to Sierra Leone for just a few days and then come back to Monrovia for another 10 months. For me, it just means that I am here rather than Sierra Leone and have to get a ticket from here rather than there.
It's hard on a lot of the crew because Monrovia is a tough city. There is little to do, and almost anything will cost some money, and it definately is not very safe. I go out with just another girl sometimes, but I probably would not go out at night unless I was very sure of where I was going.
So yeah. Please pray for contentment to cover the crew as many people are frustrated by the decision.
Have a lovely day.
I love you all and miss you lots!
.Nadine

Liberia. Oh the country which is home.

2007-11-11T15:01:00.000-08:00

Does life ever get good and then stay good? I'm not sure if I've figured that point out.

This week was a fine week. Nothing great. Nothing horrible. I just kinda felt like posting because I hadn't in a while, and I figured if I posted maybe somebody would think to check and comment or something. I know that I need to start updating this during the day because late at night I lose some senses and just get far too honest. So, maybe writing now isn't the best idea, and yet I will.

I'm scared. I'm scared shitless (pardon that, but it's the truth) about what this next year will enfold. I wrote about this a while ago, and I've been trying to give it to God, and it's sick hard. I have to figure out how to raise money from over here. Coming here it seemed like there were no hinderances, but I'm here, and it all seems opposing and frustrating. Please again, I ask, pray with me as I figure out how to raise money and prayfully consider what to do.

Secrets are also hard to keep. There's one I can't share on here that I really want to, so I'll just alude to it and say that if you've heard something (you'll know what I'm talking about) it's potentially true and yeah, I can't tell you for whatever reason, but when I can I'll write about it. If you don't know what I'm talking about, don't think anything about what I wrote because reading over what I wrote raises questions for me, and I know the secret, so yeah. Oh my goodness. Late posts are not good. And yet I don't delete it all and wait for tomorrow.

Let me think over the past while and see what I haven't written about.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday were filled with work. Actually though, Friday, I went to work, threw up, and then went to bed for the day with a killer headache. I feel fairly better now. Lots of headaches still, but other than that not too bad. I don't feel healthy but I don't feel like I'm going to throw-up again. So, I potentially would have gone out Friday, but I didn't think going out dancing would be good for my head, so yeah. I can't remember what I did. I probably either watched a movie or, actually I have no idea at all.

Saturday was great! Woke up feeling kinda not amazing but decided to go to an orphanage. Had a great time. It's a orphanage called Fatima's Cottage (or something like that) and it's on a huge piece of land with lots of building. Definately the nicest orphanage I've seen here. On the way back got some sweet action on puddles and we washed the land rover when we got back because it was COVERED in mud. Lovely lovely! Then, decided to go to the beach, so we were lucky enough to have another driver so we took out another land rover, drove the scenic route to the beach, and had a great time at the beach! It was definately the best beach day (based on water) I've had here. The waves were so huge that at one point a friend of mine commented that if we were in Florida (where she's from), the lifeguard definately would not let us be in the water. It was great. I usually spend quite a bit of time reading, but I didn't even crack open a book. I was in the water except for like 1/2 when it rained. It was lovely. As we drove home we went crazy fast down a muddy pothold road and it was another great moment! Oh Africa!

Today was interesting. I made a wager with God. I told Him when I woke up (far earlier than I had planned) that if I was supposed to go to church, one of my roomates who has invited me to her church several times would be in the room. She was. God won that round! So I went to church with her and it was good. Definately not what I would ever choose as a church for me, but still really cool. We're only here for about two more weeks, so I'll probably go for the next couple weekends there potentially.

After church I got back here on ship, played in an uno tournament, ate dinner, watched a movie, hung out on the dock, had some funny conversations, and here I am.

It's been a pretty good weekend.

No I'm not color blind

I know the world is black and white

Try to keep an open mind;

I just can't sleep on this tonight

Stop this train

I want to get out and go home again

I can't take the speed it's moving in

I know I can

But honestly will someone stop this train

So afraid of getting older

I'm only good at being young

So I play the numbers game to find away to say that life has just begun

Too many shadows in my room

Too many hours in this midnight

Too many corners in my mind

So much to do to set my heart right

Oh it's taking so long

I could be wrong,

I could be ready

Oh but if I take my heart's advice

I should assume it's still unsteady

I am in repair

I'm in repair, I'm not together but I'm getting there

I thought a change of scenery,

Would change my point of view.

But even the magical ocean,

Is just another shade of blue.

But I'm alright,
I'll win this fight.

I feel kinda like I can't end this like it is, but really, I am good and I'm not good. I wish I could cry to get it all over with. I haven't cried in at least three months, and I'm ready to drain the tears and wait for another few months and do it again, but the only way to cry is to get really really mad and burst, and well, I don't want that to happen.

(Ted Loder - Guerillas of Grace)
How shall I pray?
Are tears prayers, Lord?
Are screams prayers,or groansor sighsor curses
Can trembling hands be lifted to you,
or clenched fists
or the cold sweat that trickles down my back
or the cramps that knot my stomach?
Will you accept my prayers, Lord,
my real prayers,
rooted in the muck and mud and rock of my life,
and not just the pretty, cut-flower, gracefully arrangedbouqet of words?
Will you accept me, Lord,
as I really am,
messed up mixture of glory and grime?

For good news.

43 days until Christmas
50 days until New Years
58 days till I get to see my Mom and Dad
110 days until I'm 19
167 days until I get home (I think, but I don't have my ticket with me so I'm not sure what exact day I get home)

How many days until I see you?

Guaranteed, well, potentially guaranteed:

I love you.
I miss you.
I am so thankful for you and I hope you are fully aware of that.

2007-11-04T06:23:00.000-08:00

So I figured I'd add some fun pictures. I got my hair cut as you can tell. I'm still not sure about the length of the fringe, but it's really easy to do which means I get up and the fringe is right and I don't have to do anything except the rest of my hair, which, since I live on a big white ship where there ain't nobody to impress ... means I don't do much!
This past week I went through more gum than most do in probably a month. I was on a juice/fruit detox but we allowed ourself sugar free gum and sugar free tea so I went through a lot of gum. That leads to some rather fun pictures, so that was cool.

The past couple days have been fun falling back in love with God. It's scary a little bit for me to look at myself and see how far I had moved from Him, but I am loving this time of realizing that I love Him, and He loves me back, because He wants to.

I think that it might take me a little bit of time to get used to adding pictures encorporated into my blog. As you can see, it doesn't work amazingly well for me!
I also thought that I might add some lyrics for a song I wrote back in September. It was kind of a simple song, but the way I added the music has turned it potentially into one of my favourite songs that I've written. I write a lot, but most songs are so personal that they more are just emotional, but this one speaks of God and speaks of my incredible love for Him. I wrote it after realizing how much I needed Him. I am amazed that I wrote it when I did because I wasn't exactly in the place of loving God right then, however, that's all good now.

Your grace pours down like rain

Uncovering my pain

Making me never be the same

Your love for me is like the sunshine

You say that "she's mine"

All of the time

You don't withhold

You don't withdraw

You simply hold me

And beckon me closer

I am overwhelmed

I am so overwhelmed by you

I am refreshed

I am so refreshed by you

My turned back won't stop your endlessness

I am never on my own

Your outstretched arm is reaching to me

Breaking through my heart of stone

Because

You don't withhold

You don't withdraw

You simply hold me

And beckon me closer

I am overwhelmed

I am so overwhelmed by this

I am refreshed

I am so refreshed by you

I am overwhelmingly refreshed

A sigh, smile, and many thoughts

2007-11-02T17:04:00.000-07:00

I think that often times we all go through dry times with God. Actually, I don't think that; I know that. The past while here in Liberia has been some of the toughest spiritual time for me with God. I left Abbotsford from a summer where I grew more than I thought I could and I seriously learned so much about God and I fell in love with God, but I came here and I think I fell out of love with God. The passion left, and it was more like talking to a brick wall. I knew God was there, but there was a incredibly huge barrier between us.

Well. I say this with a sigh, a smile, and many thoughts. God has become alive to me again. I am seriously in a such a good mood. I am at peace. I am joyful. I am emotions that I haven't felt in almost 8 weeks.

It's hard to even explain it because it's just so amazing to me.

So one thing I have been really missing is church. We have services here, but I often feel they lack true emotion for God. Even though I have not been that tight with God, I hate fake Christianity. I would rather everybody just be honest than everybody pretend that everything is good. So yeah. Well, I have been so desiring to hear like a sermon series. I miss South Abbotsford and just hearing services that link from week to week rather than random spiratical topics each week that don't apply to me where I'm at, or at least I don't feel they do.

So, starting last night, a guy names Don Price came to speak. He spoke last night, tonight, and will speak several times tomorrow. Well, last night was good. He talked about grace and it was amazing. God has been speaking to me almost daily about grace so it was just another moment for God to speak. It was good, and I stayed after and just prayed with another girl. My largest frustration in life has been that I believe in God with my head but not my heart and we just prayed that God would reveal Himself to both of us and that we would like tangibly feel Him. So, all was good.

Today was a fine day. Long. My hands get tired when I think of all I want to write, so I'll just stick to the important stuff. There's lots going on here on the ship and I'm tired and stressed so finding joy in work is hard. Anyways, back to the point of the post. I'm doing a 100% pure fruit juice and fruit detox so I have been spending a lot more time alone since I don't stay in the dining room for the whole meal because I get too hungry, so I was in my room tonight from like 4:45-7:30 and it was AMAZING!! I just got to sit by myself, listen to music and read. Quite lovely, I must say. Needless to say though, 7.30 came by and I knew I either needed to go to bed or go out and I didn't want to sleep so I figured I would go to this speaker thing. I would go at least for the singing and then slip out if I was bored, but I was not.

Tonight the topic was on how God is our Father and that He chooses to love us.

Here are some things that hit home during the talk.

1. When we think of a shower that doesn't have water coming out of it, either the water supply is low or the plumbing is wrong. When we don't feel God, it's not that His supply is gone, it's that the plumbing is gone.

2. God does not have to love us, but chooses to because He wants to.

3. God loves me!

4. When we think of ... where is Jesus, we say, in our heart, where is the holy spitit, we say, with us, and then we think of God, and we say ... well, he's in heaven. But God is with us in our heart. We can't think of Him as a father that is only present from up above with a stick hitting us when we're bad and sending only His and spirit to love us. He loves us.

5. God loves His son as much as He loves me, and since He loves His son SO much, then I'm pretty much set for love!

6. Jesus is the 'first born' of God, which means that I am one that is further down the line, but a sibling of Christ, and every one who is of God (so everybody) is my sibling.

7. God said to love others as we love ourself. That means He wants us to love ourself. He wants us to be happy and joyful and to be seriously good to others all the time, but also to love ourself.

8. How can we experience the love of God if we don't love ourself?

9. When bad things happen, it's not like God is watching and like, encouraging them to happen. And he doesn't simply let them happen. He lets us have our own decisions to be wrong, and often, because of one person's bad decision, lots of others are affected.

Anyways, there's so much more that I could write. It was amazing and inspiring and great and all, but that truly is only beginnning.

After he was done, Don Price strongly urged that if we agreed with what he had said and had made new comittments or were deciding things about God, that we should do something. We should stand, or kneel, or bow, or something to show God that we were serious, as well as to make it a memory in our mind so that we would remember this day. I chose to go up to the front of the room and just kneeled for a long time. At first I praised God, then I realized that I had to be honest with God. I told God that I felt like I was talking to someone who wouldn't listen. I was honest with God for the first time I think in about two weeks or so. So, I was sitting there and I started to just be filled with peace and the thoughts of life started to flee from my mind and I was just simply there.

One of my friends came over and prayer over me and it was really sweet. I was really encouraged. We just sat there for a while, and I was like, 'I feel like a little girl, sitting at the feet of her daddy, and her daddy is telling her a story. And the story is that he loves her'. I felt truly loved by God.

I knew however that I could not leave. For a long while while I was praying I felt strongly that I could not leave until a very specific person came over to me and prayer for me. It was wierd because this person is not someone who I know, have had any real conversations with or anything, but who is actually the executive director of the Africa Mercy. Needless to say, I was sitting there, just kinda serine and she came over and asked if she could pray over me. I nodded, and I can't even explain what happened. She started praying exactly what I had been praying, but for me, and more or less, from God to me. She prayed on my behalf exactly the words I had said just minutes before unaudibly. After I told her that I had known that she had to pray for me and she smiled.

God is good.

All the time.

All the time.

God is good.

I left and was good, was going to go to bed (this was like 3 hours ago) but just was like, I can't sleep, I gotta praise God!! So I went up to the international lounge but someone was playing guitar so I had an amazing conversation with the girl who I prayed with yesterday, and it was just very very cool to see how God worked in her life today. Very good is our God. Then I went to my room to get my Bible, then went up and played piano for a while, and then came here. Oh, and I talked to Kirsten and it was great. Kirst, I know you'll read this so yeah. I love you. I'm so glad that we had that conversation. It kind of proved to me that what had happened had actually happened, and it was very cool to explain all of it to you.

I know this is like a crazy long post, but I still feel like there is more that I should share. I don't know what exactly, but I'll just write, add verses, and probably songs as they come to me.

Maybe this is wierd to explain how good life is on a blog, but if I could, I'd individually tell you all over coffee how good God is. I'm like, sky high. I know that the plane will land and I'll go through the desert again, but this is just such a reminder of God carrying me through every single day.

This is what the speaker based his talk on.

John 17
Jesus Prays for Himself

After Jesus said this, he looked toward heaven and prayed: "Father, the time has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you. For you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him. Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do. And now, Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory I had with you before the world began.
Jesus Prays for His Disciples

"I have revealed you to those whom you gave me out of the world. They were yours; you gave them to me and they have obeyed your word. Now they know that everything you have given me comes from you. For I gave them the words you gave me and they accepted them. They knew with certainty that I came from you, and they believed that you sent me. I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those you have given me, for they are yours. All I have is yours, and all you have is mine. And glory has come to me through them. I will remain in the world no longer, but they are still in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name—the name you gave me—so that they may be one as we are one. While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe by that name you gave me. None has been lost except the one doomed to destruction so that Scripture would be fulfilled. "I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them. I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.
Jesus Prays for All Believers

"My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. "Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. "Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them."

Wow!!! Aaa... I seriously love God so much and feel so blessed to know Him. For a second I contemplated writing on my guilt from the things I've been doing that have not been beneficial to God, but I realized that the grace of God wiped away yesterday so much that God has no record. And, if God is for me, whom shall I fear? Shall I fear yesterday? Shall I fear tomorrow?

Oh no. I shall not!

When the day is done

And there's no one else around

While I'm lying here in bed

You're in my heart,

You're in my head

You're all I need,

You're all I need

There are a million voices

Calling out my name

But You're the One I want to hear

So make the others disappear
You are all I need when I'm surrounded

You are all I need if I'm by myself

You fill me when I'm empty

There is nothing else

You're all I need
When the morning comes

And Your mercy is renewed

There's a fire in my bones

I'm not afraid to go alone

You're all I need

The sun on my face

I hear You whisper loud

You're still the God that opens seas

Every flower, even me

You're all I need

You're all I need
I'm drawn to everything that You do

Nothing compares with You

We rode into town the other day

Just me and my Daddy

He said I'd finally reached that age

And I could ride next to him on a horse

That of course was not quite as wide
We heard a crowd of people shouting

And so we stopped to find out why

And there was that man

That my dad said he loved

But today there was fear in his eyes
So I said

"Daddy, why are they screaming?

Why are the faces of some of them beaming?

Why is He dressed in that bright purple robe?

I'll bet that crown hurts Him more than He shows

Daddy, please can't you do something?

He looks as though He's gonna cry

you said he was stronger than all of those guys

Daddy, please tell me why

Why does everyone want him to die?"

Later that day the sky grew cloudy

And Daddy said I should go inside

Somehow he knew things would get stormy

Boy was he right

But I could not keep from wondering

If there was something he had to hide
So after he left I had to find out

I was not afraid of getting lost

So I followed the crowds

To a hill where I knew men had been killed

And I heard a voice come from the cross
And it said,

"Father, why are they screaming?

Why are the faces of some of them beaming?

Why are they casting their lots for My robe?

This crown of thorns hurts Me more than it shows

Father, please can't You do something?

I know that You must hear My cry

I thought I could handle the cross of this size

Father, remind Me why

Why does everyone want Me to die?

When will I understand why?"

"My precious Son,

I hear them screaming

I'm watching the face of the enemy beaming

But soon I will clothe You in robes of My own

Jesus, this hurts Me much more than You know

But this dark hour I must do nothing

Though I've heard Your unbearable cry

The power in Your blood destroys all of the lies

Soon You'll see past their unmerciful eyes

Look there below, see the child

Trembling by her father's side

Now I can tell You why

She is why You must die"

Beautiful Love,

You have changed my world

It’s so much better now

I don’t know what You see in me

But I’m glad that You found

Something Worth loving oh

I reach for You

You reach for me, too

You reach me

You are more than I can take

So all of You

I receive

I cannot go to where You are

So You take me

Beyond these Dreams I dream

I can’t live without You

I don’t wanna be without You

No I can’t live without You

I am never without You

This picture is from 'Paradise Farms' I went last weekend. If you want to see pictures from there look on my facebook. If I feel inspired I'll add more picture. As well, I cut my hair, so pictures of that will surely come up soon.

God is good.

All the time.

God is good.

2007-10-25T11:16:00.000-07:00

So today was actually the most eventful day ever. I've been really stressed so I took the afternoon off to watch a movie with another lady on the ship. I was plugging in the cords and setting up the tv in a cabin and it blew up. I don't actually remember much beyond that because according to her and the firemen and medical people; I was thrown down to the ground. My friend ran outside to get a breath thing (they're all over the ship for safety reasons) that is used if air is contaminated. It's not a gas mask because it gives oxygen. I don't know how to explain it. Anyways ... she tried to help me and realized that the fire from the tv was getting larger so she got a fire extinguisher and pushed one of the fire alarms. She tried to get the fire out but was unsuccessful and couldn't get out so she hid in the bathroom.

Within a few minutes which probably felt like hours to her, the firemen arrived. They got me out first because they heard me moaning in the corner so I was carried out initially to the hallway, then further away from the fire, and then to an area where a medical team took over. I was given oxygen, some kind of needle for something and some of the blood was washed off. I have never been so covered in blood. It really is not a pleasant smell. So, right before they were going to put an IV in I regained consiousness and within a little while I was alright. I'm pretty shaken up from it, but I think I'll be okay.

My friend is fine. They didn't find her for a little bit so she ended up with quite a bit of smoke inhilation, but she had a bandana and she soaked it in water and put it over her face which is why she is okay now.

I had to leave that space there because it is vital that you look at this picture after reading the explaination of my day above.

Now this lovely picture needs a description. Today was a fire drill day. Either every or every other Thursday we have a fire drill. 'Victims' are used. I got to be a fire victim today. All of those things did happen. I got to get ketchup ALL over me which I can still smell now even after showering and putting on a lot of perfumed lotion. Some interesting moments were while I was being carried because there was not stretcher right where we were so two of the firemen (one of whom I babysit for his kids, so that was REALLY funny) carried me and my shirt was having this great little habit of riding up so I would try to subtly pull it down. And then when the medical team was checking on me, they made a comment about injecting a needle and I quickly moved my arm and they laughed, as well as they were going to check something and started to raise my shirt and I was very very very fast to pull it down. They did not need to check whatever they wanted to check. They also did not do everything that was neccesary because they didn't want to get ketchup on everything! I wonder if I'll get the day off tomorrow

I hope I scared you a little bit!!

Helpful Hint Of The Day:

DO NOT PUT KETCHUP ON YOUR ARMS, NECK, FACE, IN HAIR OR ANYWHERE ELSE BECAUSE THE SMELL DOES NOT QUICKLY GO AWAY AND MOST PEOPLE WILL LOOK AT YOU FUNNY, HOWEVER IT DOES MAKE FOR AN INTERESTING STORY!!

I just thought I would post a picture of my updated room. I am still living in the same place, but I switched my duvet cover last week and it's way cuter. Hearts versus the apples!! And my roomate left so I got to move to the bottom bunk which means no more climbing up to my bed using a table to get up and no more having to turn off my light early!! I redecorated it and it's a lot more personal so I like it a lot. I'm finding it a lot easier as well to do stuff like devo's because a place to sit is quickly accessable rather than a trek!! (just a note ... send me a letter/card/anything and it'll get displayed on my wall and brighten my day daily!!)

I love you all lots and miss you more than you could ever know!